The Care and Feeding of Teenagers

Born in the USA!

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 21:37:00 +0000

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The 4Th of July. One of America's favorite holidays. The birth of our country. Life, liberty and the freedom to pursue happiness. We the people......"Let Freedom Ring." On Friday we will celebrate our country's birthday with family and friends. Watermelons, hamburgers, sunburns and fireworks signify Independence Day for most Americans. It's a holiday that does not involve shopping, complicated baking or extensive decorating. It's just being together with people we love and doing all those wonderful summery things.

Another popular tradition is to display the Stars and Stripes. The American flag is probably the most recognizable metaphor for the United States of America and all she stands for. The flag is a symbol of the sacrifice and service of a few for the freedom and privileges of many. She should wave properly and with reverence. Our children should learn flag etiquette early and be reminded often of it's significance.

Here are some tips to make sure your tribute is a respectful one:
Display the flag only between sunrise and sunset on buildings and stationary flagstaffs. The flag may be displayed for twenty-four hours if illuminated in darkness.
Do not display the flag in inclement weather.
Whether displaying the flag vertically or horizontally, make sure the canton of stars is visible on the upper left-hand side.
Do not let the flag touch the ground.
An unusable flag that is damaged and worn should be destroyed in a dignified way by burning.
When not on display, the flag should be respectfully folded into a triangle, symbolizing the tricorn hats worn by colonial soldiers in the Revolutionary War.

Flag Facts
*Betsy Ross sewed the first American flag. It is not clear who actually designed it, but the experts at the Betsy Ross House suggest it was Francis Hopkinson, a New Jersey delegate to the Continental Congress and a signer of the Declaration of Independence.
*The flag has 13 stripes representing the original 13 colonies (7 red and 6 white).
* In the upper left corner is a navy blue field with 50 white stars that represents the states.
*It is interesting that there is no official designation or meaning for the colors of the flag. There is no record stating why red, white, and blue where chosen for the flag. However, when the Great Seal of the United States was chosen the colors were designated as white for purity and innocence, red for valor and hardiness and blue for vigilance, perseverance, and justice.
(Folktales says that George Washington interpreted the flag in this way: the stars were taken from the sky, the red from the British colors,and the white stripes signified the secession from the home country.)
*If the flag is flown upside down it signals distress. It means "I need help, I'm in trouble" .
*Worn out flags are destroyed, usually by burning.
*When flown at half-staff, the flag is raised to the top of the flag pole then lowered to half-staff. *When taken down, the flag is again raised to the top and then brought down.
*The flag should never touch the ground, the floor, or water.

Have a wonderful holiday from Mel and me! Happy 4th of July!

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Facebook Hope for Civilization

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 14:42:00 +0000

Did you read the article in the Muskogee Phoenix today entitled Facebook fixes grammar (Monday, June 30, 2007)? The story came over the AP wire (click on highlighted link to read AP story) and has made a small ripple in the world that could have major literacy impact for future generations of text messagers and Facebook savvy young people everywhere.

For a couple of years now educators have been a voice crying in the desert about the spelling and grammar ability of today's teens, undercut by the informal writing used in text messaging and other digital communication. Shortcut slang spelling and grammar have debilitated many teens' ability or willingness to use grammatically correct English, a very bad habit that quickly takes over like kudzu. It has even been theorized that writing a term paper in text messaging could be the only way to reach some teens.

But, now Facebook itself is coming to the rescue of teen communication woes by instituting, of all things, grammar rules! The major obstacle in Facebook's opinion is the use of "their" for the singular he/she, a rule many of us abuse in our colloquial speaking. Evidently, as Facebook expands out to other languages, the plural forms must agree with the gender of the speaker, making "their" a non-option.

Well, let's face it, other languages are more specific than English, but this is a major coup for civilization at large. It may mean that literacy can be saved, that one's Turabian guide to grammar is not defunct, and that the MLA or APA rules for research paper documentation will survive the digital age after all. It means that order will prevail over chaos.

This Facebook realization that pronouns and nouns must agree in gender signals hope for American literacy. It lends veracity to high school English teachers everywhere who can now say to those teens wondering how or why they would ever have to know subject/verb agreement, "Because you even have to use it on Facebook, that's why." Now that's the ultimate connection between learning and relevancy. Way to go, Facebook.

Talking to Teens About Death

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 02:11:00 +0000

Death is a topic that makes most people uneasy, probably because it reminds us that it will happen to us one day. The ancient Romans called those little reminders of death memento mori, mosaics of skulls always reminding us to seize the day.

A young person's first acquaintance with death is usually a grandparent's passing, often in the teen years. Death invokes a multitude of feelings in teenagers, often triggering the flight response, denial, or other more serious emotional reactions.

Talking to teens and young adults about death is never easy. Their solution is often to hurry up and get to the next party, so they won't have to think about it. But, talking teens through these difficult times will help them become adept at dealing with death, a skill that is so necessary given the fact that everyone we know will die one day.

Many people wonder if they should make their teen visit a dying relative. That is a personal decision, but I would generally say that if the teen is very young, you might want to avoid that, especially depending on the condition of the loved one, e.g. the person is in dire pain. For older teens, I always think there are no do-overs on death. Regret at not saying goodbye because of cowardice or fear is often a source of other emotions later, such as guilt. No regrets is the best exit strategy any of us can hope for, but don't force your child into a traumatic situation.

The NEMOURS Foundation I mentioned in my last post has a section on discussing all kinds of death with teens. (click on highlighted link to view it) Teens are excitable and it is difficult to predict how they will react to the death of a grandparent, parent, friend, or classmate. Sometimes even the death of a mere acquaintance is difficult for them to deal with and the circumstances can aggravate their ability to handle the situation. Schools have developed very good counseling programs for helping students deal with the death of a classmate (or any death with which a student may be struggling) and make their services available to students.

The University of Tennessee has a very good guide for parents and caretakers of young people. Among the topics is a comparison of questions children ask about death as opposed to those teens ask. A child will ask if the death is his/her fault or if he/she is going to die too. A teen may ask why he/she can't feel anything or if it is still okay to have fun without feeling guilty. (click on the above highlighted link to be taken directly there) An important thing to watch for are signs of depression and grieving that goes on too long.

Our children will be looking to us to understand how to deal with death. The best we can do is understand our own feelings about it and act out of love and wisdom. Celebrating life whenever possible can help put balance and perspective into death. Maybe the ancient Romans had something there - carpe diem.

A Good Thing To Know

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 22:00:00 +0000

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I had the opportunity last week to take a CPR (Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation) refresher course. I was horrified that the last time I had taken CPR was at least 26 years ago. Luckily, no situation has required I remember the emergency procedures. Procedures, I might add, that were learned at a building that no longer exists and a method that no longer is recommended by the Red Cross. The last time I took CPR, we all took turns giving mouth to mouth on our dummies with no thought to the infamous "body fluids". My how times have changed.

The practice dolls are the same but one now uses a plastic shield that is between the dummy's mouth and the student's. It is advised to carry one on your key chain should a CPR emergency arise. Those around me all agreed locating the protective shield would probably not be first on our To-Do list if someone was not breathing and turning blue. Our instructor did reiterate that communicable diseases are rarely transmitted through saliva but the shield was recommended if time permitted.

The smallest doll was sobering. Not that I wasn't concerned when my own children were small, but somehow imagining my grandchildren in an emergency situation was terrifying. All of a sudden swimming pools, dinnertime and electrical appliances became objects of concern. Learning the methods for both Infant CPR and Infant Choking was a good thing. Reviewing all the Red Cross Emergency procedures is an even better thing.

What follows is a very brief overview of emergency procedures. It is not a substitute for training by a certified Red Cross CPR instructor. Body positions, methods and location and applications are best learned visually. A CPR class at your local Red Cross would be a great use of vacation time for you and your teen. Just like smoke alarms, CPR is something you hope you will never use but always be glad you have.

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1. CHECK
CHECK THE SCENE FOR SAFETY , then
CHECK THE PERSON FOR CONSCIOUSNESS
Get permission to give care
Tap shoulder and shout, "Are you okay?"

2. CALL
IF NO RESPONSE, CALL 911 or have someone else call
IF YOU ARE ALONE AND CARING FOR AN INFANT OR CHILD-
And you witnessed the child suddenly collapse CALL 911
If you did not see the child or infant suddenly collapse, give 2 minutes of CARE and then
call 911.

3. CARE
OPEN THE AIRWAY (tilt the head back and lift the chin)
CHECK FOR SIGNS OF LIFE (movement and breathing) for no
more than 10 seconds
IF NO BREATHING, give 2 rescue breaths and begin CPR
IF BREATHING NORMALLY, roll onto one side while waiting for help to arrive.

IF NO SIGNS OF LIFE, GIVE CPR

INFANT CPR
Give cycles of 30 chest compressions and 2 rescue breaths -

ADULT AND CHILD CPR
Give cycles of 30 chest compressions and 2 rescue breaths

CONTINUE CPR UNTIL
Scene becomes unsafe
You find an obvious sign of life
AED is ready to use
You are too exhausted to continue
Trained responder arrives and takes over

CHOKING
IF coughing, encourage person to continue coughing
Send someone to call 911
Get permission to give care

INFANT
If infant cannot cough, cry or breathe
Putting infant face down toward your knee, supporting with arm, give 5 back blows
If the object is not thrust out, turn infant, supporting head with hand and back with arm-
give 5 chest thrusts, using two fingers.

ADULT AND CHILD CHOKING
IF adult or child cannot talk, cough or breathe-
Bend victim over at waist, give 5 back blows
If the object is not forced out, give 5 quick, upward abdominal thrusts
Continue sets of back blows and chest or abdominal thrusts until-
*object is forced out
*Person can breathe or cough forcefully
*Person becomes unconscious. Perform CPR. Between giving 30 compressions and 2 breaths, look for an object and and remove if one is seen.

Note: The universal sign for choking is both hands around the throat, palms open.

American Red Cross first aid, CPR and AED training can give you the skills and confidence to act in an emergency. Call your local chapter or go to www.redcross.org for more information.

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How Do I Look?

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:37:00 +0000

I loved Mel's observation about how we dress as Mothers and how our children react to our choices. Just last weekend I proudly sported my new yoga outfit made out of up-to-date and politically correct bamboo fabric. I entered the room with a spring in my step. Whoops. I was instantly aware of some kind of error. How? By the exchange of glances between both my daughters.

"What's wrong?" I asked. " Isn't this OK?"

"It's really cute Mom."

"But......?"

Another quick non-verbal exchange between my two fashionistas.

"For heaven's sake Mom...." begins one,

"Do not wear the shirt tucked in!" finishes the other.

Whoa. Wouldn't that have been a fashion disaster?

Purses. There's another mistake waiting to happen. I pick one up. It looks like all the ones I see in the magazines. Feels nice. Price is right. I expectantly turn to daughter #1 with said bag in my hand. Her look of abject horror freezes me in mid-gesture. I turn and gingerly replace the shunned handbag back with it's outcast companions.

Then there is the dreaded, "it looks like a Mom outfit." What in the world does that mean? Are we talking Vicki Lawrence's character in Mama's Family? Her polyestered and orthopedic shod character is not exactly my fashion goal in these middle years. Could it be the spandexed and big-haired Peg portrayed in Married with Children? Or are my off-spring referring to a June Cleaver Mom, perfect shirt waist and pearls with the always present plate of fresh baked cookies?

I think we all want to look our age but fashionable and pulled together. When my children were small, I was just glad to have my hair brushed and something without spit- up or dog hair on it. Now that there is more time to shop, I don't know what to buy. Is it too short? Too tight? Too young? Too old? How to dress well and dress age appropriately?

Instinct my dear, instinct. I stay away from anything with an elastic waist band or that says 100% polyester. If I wore something similar 20 years ago, (say prairie skirt and cowboy boots), I'll leave that fashion statement as a happy memory and make another choice. Shoulder pads and leg warmers would be another no-no. If I'm not sure I want to walk out of the dressing room, I'll leave the culprit on the hanger. Indecision for those of us of a certain age is a good warning sign. Run!!!

Of course I have excellent stylists on my staff. Daughters Annie and Catherine have proven they are usually right in the "What Not To Wear" department. I trust their judgement because they love me and want me to look my best. Their Father would say I looked great if I came out in a trash bag and army boots. (His only observation is usually, "what did it cost?")

As Moms, we will try to not embarrass you too much. We won't wear our black leather bell bottoms from 1982 or at the other end of the spectrum, that denim jumper that goes down to our ankles. You know the one. It has embroidered apples with each of our children's names painted on the front. We will read In Style magazine, especially the pages that cover the fashion tips for our age group. We'll watch the Fashion Make-Over shows and identify our own possible "style" weaknesses. We will really, really try. But sometimes, just sometimes, we may have to pull a ringer. A T-shirt from a long ago Eagles Concert, a vintage monogrammed sweater tied around our shoulders, red Keds sneakers, overalls with a peace sign sewn on.................it's OK. You don't have to act like you know us! We understand. We all had Mothers too.

Nemours Website for Teens

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:28:00 +0000

Today's blog will be short. It is about a great site I found for teens sponsored by the NEMOURS Foundation, which was founded by the Alfred DuPont in 1936 as a medical resource for children. (Click on the highlighted links to be taken straight to the web page and check it out now.)

This is one of the best teen sites I have seen. The articles are written primarily by doctors and include topics such as sex (very straight forward, in a textbook variety way), common diseases affecting teens, mental health issues, just about any teen concern. Current articles that are up are skin care, coping with period problems, guy's body image problems, and salmonellosis, in addition to suggestions for Father's Day gifts and fun things to check out, like quizzes. Topics pertain to both younger and older teens.

While the site is for teens, it can be used by parents. It is a great insight for help concerning your child's problems, and for reminding yourself what it was like to be a teenager. The topics are germane to everyone concerned with teen health.

There is a super section of recipes, including recipes for kids with cystic fibrosis, diabetes, lactose intolerance, celiac disease, and teen vegetarians. You and your teen will love this website.

Happy Father's Day to all the great dads out there!

Through a Father's Eyes

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 23:44:00 +0000

Father's Day. All over America Dads are eagerly anticipating yet another tie, plaster hand print or a power tool they will never use. That's OK. It's the thought that counts and it's the giver that makes any offering special. Just smile and accept your World's Greatest Dad T-shirt eagerly and gracefully. Oh, and do try to wear it at least once before it goes to that shelf in the back of your closet. You know the place. It houses the singing bass plaque and the umpteenth traveling coffee mug that doesn't tip over.

Do something different this year. How about using this holiday to do a job performance review? An honest appraisal of your "Fathering". No, I am not talking about how much money you made or how far you advanced in your job. I mean taking a long, hard look at time spent and attention paid to your most precious asset.....your family.

Make a pro and a con side and review your year as a Dad. Communication. Activities. Meals together. Conscious choices to make memories. Being a moral example. Loving and respecting their Mother. Expectations met. Promises kept. Teaching money management and budgeting. Consistent discipline. Loving unconditionally. Being a good listener. Putting your family first.

Developing and nurturing passion and commitment. Follow through. Stick-To-It-Ness. Hard work. Play. Compassion and sacrifice. Respecting others. Empathy. "Giving back." Being a team player. Laughing at yourself. Joy. Not judging. Speaking well of everyone. Faith. Philanthropy.

OK Enough abstract ideas. Look at your list. Did you, say, take your child fishing? While fishing did you exchange ideas and share stories? Did you attend your son or daughter's sporting event and voice a hearty "well done", no matter said event's outcome? In front of your children, have you kissed their Mother and told her how pretty she looked? Have you turned off the television and helped with homework recently? (Without a harump, eye rolling and big sigh). Did you volunteer with a group to build a house, ring a bell or deliver a meal for someone else this year? Are you exercising, getting regular check ups and eating right? Are you telling your children how proud you are and how much you love them? Most importantly, are you remembering to savor this once around journey of Fathering?

Being a parent is the most important thing you will ever do. Being a good Father will positively effect your children for the rest of their life. Sons become the men they learned from and daughters look for a man like their Father. Family dynamics beget family dynamics. This Father's Day, make sure you are helping your family grow strong, and sure, and confidant, and loved.

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Mom, What Are You Wearing?!!

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:22:00 +0000

Is anyone besides me old enough to remember the Betty Davis movie Mrs. Skiffington? It's about the mother of a teenaged daughter who vies for the attention of her daughter's would-be beaus, failing to realize in her narcissism that she is getting older and it's not about her anymore. What a shock when she finds out she's unwanted and uncool!

That movie was from another era altogether, when most moms wore their stockings turned down around their ankles with sensible walking shoes and a tissue tucked in their belt. Moms have never been renowned for their haute couture. They do wear some pretty peculiar, embarrassing things - a big old t-shirt from 1988, a strange vest from 1993 that keeps reappearing, out-of-date-and-style clothing from their own youth, like that Ozzie concert t-shirt or those Beverly Hills Polo Club sweats.

Dads may just wear anything and everyone still loves them for it - it's expected, in a way. But, mom is different. Often she is pressured to be perfect and derided when she is uncool. Sometimes it doesn't matter how cool mom is in reality, just by virtue of being a teenager's mother she is instantaneously in the dork category.

Whenever students complain about how mom looks, I remind them that their mom is not cool so they can be. I don't think it ever crosses their minds that the new shirt they are wearing comes at an expense, and mom is willing to make that sacrifice on her coolness factor. Mom doesn't get many new clothes because her turn is over for the most part and she is well aware of that; mom's reputation for coolness is not on the line like the teenager's is, so mom naturally takes the hit. Yeah, mom!

Granted, moms these days are prettier and more with-it than ever. But there are some things moms who care about their reputation - or more importantly, their kids' reputations - can do to avoid shaming and humiliating their children in front of their friends. Some may ask, why does mom have to change - it's her life, after all, and she should be able to live it as she pleases. The most obvious answer is simple - because she loves her kids and her family.

1. If you are the mother of a teenager and you are still in your 30's, or even 40's, avoid being Mrs. Skiffington at all costs. Do not flirt with your daughter's boyfriend or your son's college room mate. Be wise enough to know the difference between flirting and being friendly. And, by all means, do not have sex with one of your children's friends! Real life is not a Jerry Springer or Oprah show!! In real life those things cause long term, damaging effects that do not end with the flick of a tv on-off switch.

2. Take pride in your appearance as a person and it will be enough as a mom, too. We don't have to be perfect as moms or as people, but rolling out of the house like we just rolled out of bed is just plain embarrassing for everyone!

3. Most people stick with the hairstyle they had in high school, and trust me, I should know about this one! As ironic as it seems, an updated cut can take years off your age and bring you out of the disco realm and into this millennium. Say goodbye to Farrah Fawcett. Get a good cut and it will last several months before restyling, saving money for princess's new Juicy Couture whatever...

4. Now a list of don'ts:

Don't wear your clothes too small - that will actually make you look larger than you want to look, because it appears that you don't fit into your clothes.
Don't try to wear clothes that are too young for you. Obvious reasons, some involving the words "laughing stock." Maybe experiment while on vacation around strangers...
Don't wear styles you love, but that look horrible on you. The style may be wonderful and you may want it to look fantastic on you, but sometimes things just do not look good on our bodies and should not be attempted.
Don't buy overly into the fads. You want to get the most longevity out of your clothes, but if you have to buy new ones every year because your old ones look really dated after six months, you are wasting money in the long run. Buy one faddish piece just for style, but find a cheaper knock-off of the expensive one.
Also, don't buy something just because you're desperate. It rarely ever works out and doesn't advance your cause. Save your money, styles change quickly and something will come along.
Don't wear a uniform, but do have pieces in basic colors you can mix and match. Black, white and khaki are timeless. Which brings me to jeans...
Don't wear a bad pair of jeans. Bad is anything that looks like you bought it at the Gap in 1992 when you weighed only 105 lbs. Bad makes your gut and butt look larger than life. A great pair of jeans does not have to cost $150, it just has to fit you.
And finally, don't show too much cleavage, especially around middle school boys. That goes along with not talking about breast feeding your son in front of his friends. Everyone knows moms have boobs, even attractive ones, but they don't necessarily want to think about it. Unless you're J-Lo, save your cleavage for the Saturday night date with your significant other and spare your kids the anxiety.

Socrates said it best, know thyself. If you know your style and what feels good on you, wear it, because you will feel good and look beautiful. Just keep in mind another ancient adage - the times change and we must change with them. Updating your look just a little shows your family you care what they think of you. Your goal is for your kids to not dread the sight of you walking up in front of their friends. Ultimately, the love and care you put into yourself will be reflected back into your family. You still may be a dork at times, but secretly your kids will understand and appreciate how really, really cool you are, no matter what you're wearing!

It Saves Dollars and Makes Sense

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 03:37:00 +0000

Summer is here and the "Care and Feeding" of teenagers changes it's focus. Breakfast before school and dinner at 6:00 is replaced with breakfast before noon and dinner before dark. Additionally, teens have a tendency to want to eat out and eat out often. It has become more the norm in our society than the exception. Dining is hardly even a social activity anymore. How can there be conversation around a meal when someone is eating a taco with one hand and driving with the other? More importantly, how healthy are teens fast food choices?

Early on in the break might be a good time to re-access your family's summer meals. If the goal is to keep them home a little more, make the prospect more inviting. Have snacks and nibbles that your growing adolescent likes to eat. Keep prepared fresh fruit, veggies and favorite dipping sauces in the fridge. A variety of cheeses and multi-grain crackers and breads seems to be universally popular. Good quality sandwich ingredients and everything that goes with them may keep them eating at home. Invest in a panini press. A pizza pan. A Smoothie blender.

Charcoal a variety of meats and keep the oven turned off. Chicken Caesar salad, Fajitas, hamburgers, salmon steaks- cook it all one night and have dinner for the week.

Sit down with your teen and discuss summer finances. Let him/her put pen to paper and see how much of their baby-sitting/lawn mowing/life-guarding/ salary goes to eating out. Seeing the numbers in black and white may do more for your summer meals at home than anything else. Then, make your own commitment to having a well stocked pantry and fridge that keeps your teen satisfied and eating healthy. Mine learned early to eat their "real" meal at home and order a drink or split an appetizer if they were joining friends.

Has there been any better convenience food than the roasted chickens at the grocery? They are not only grand just sliced and served as they are, but so handy in any recipe that calls for chicken.

Here's a yummy Pasta Salad Recipe that my kids love. It makes a huge amount and just gets better the next day. Perfect for Summer. Enjoy.

Cook 2 boxes of spiral pasta according to pkg directions Drain and set aside
Shred meat from 1 Rotisserie chicken - skin removed
coarsely chop 7 ripe Roma tomatoes or any fresh summer tomatoes
Drain and slice 1 container fresh buffalo mozzarella (small Mozzarella balls found in deli or specialty cheese section)
1 Sm jar Calamari olives drained and sliced (about 1/3 to 1/2 cup )
1 lg pkg or jar of sun dried tomatoes - chopped
1 cup chopped, fresh Basil

Dressing
4 tbs red wine vinegar
1/2 cup olive oil
1 minced clove garlic (or more)
2 tsps Capers
salt and pepper
1 or 2 of the sun dried tomatoes (add rest of chopped tomatoes into pasta salad)
Combine in Blender until well mixed

Combine all ingredients along with 1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese and refrigerate until service. All this needs is a crusty loaf of good bread and you've got dinner!

What To Read in the Post Harry Potter World

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Thu, 29 May 2008 03:15:00 +0000

Summertime means a little more time. Time to kick back and do what we want. Time to read. Yes... read.

Reading is basic to being a functioning adult in society. Reading is everywhere, even on the Internet! So, hit the lake, the water park, pool, or ball field during the day. You can still find 10 miutes before falling asleep, and in that 10 minutes, is your time to read at least one book per month. Here is an updated reading list to get the whole family reading:
(click on the title or author and you will be directed, hopefully, to that author's page)

Middle School and Junior High:

Percy Jackson and the Olympians - I gave this to two fourteen-year-old boys I know and they each read, or should I say devoured, all three volumes in only two weeks. If 14-year-olds like it, it must be good. Volume four is out now in hardback, The Labyrinth of Fire, available at Wal Mart, WaldenBooks and Hastings Books and Videos. Good for boys and girls.

Airhead or any of the Meg Cabot novels. Really popular stuff.

Rumors by Anna Godbersen. I want to read this, too.

The Diary of Anne Frank is probably summertime school reading for middle school teens. Why not pair it with The Book Thief by Mark Zusak or How I Live Now by Meg Rosoff. The Book Thief follows a young German teen who loves books Hitler wants to burn and whose family hides a Jewish neighbor at great risk. How I Live Now is about a girl in London and how she lives during a war set slightly in the future.

Senior High:
The Twilight Saga - Stephenie Meyers, a sweet-looking mother and graduate of Brigham Young University, knows how to engage girls with her Austen-eque vampire series. Ostensibly about vampires, the underlying themes of abstinence, family loyalty, doing the right thing, tolerance of others, and by all means young love, make her novels less about vampires and more about the real world and how to get along with the real people in it. I love this series - I would read it again! Waiting for the 4th book to come out.I have to admit, the pickings are slim for guys this age, except in the classic genre.

I haven't seen too many guys over 16 reading a book they weren't forced to read in the last four years since The Da Vinci Code was hot. I did have an intelligent young man who liked Chuck Palahniuk (his writings are violent), another one, now an English major, who tried House of Leaves (an odd thriller for the intelligentsia written by the son of former singer Poe), and, of course, several who enjoy graphic novels, like The 300, Batman, or Sin City. But I can't recommend any of those firsthand. Make sure they do their summer reading - I know so many young men who don't do it and have to take a lesser English class.

Dad:
Dads are probably going to want to read the new James Bond novel The Devil May Care by Sebastian Faulks, released under tight security this week.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz. Dad would defintitely make it all the way through this one. Just won the Pulitzer. It might make a good Father's Day present for a youngish, snazzy dad who likes to read.
Mom:

Kabul Beauty School: An American Woman Goes Behind the Veil by Deborah Rodriguez. Rodriguez's experience opening a beauty school in Afghanistan. Highly recommended by many who have read it.

Momzillas: It's a Jungle Out There, Baby! This was one of the most hilarious novels I have read since The Devil Wears Prada. Someone should write a sequel for mothers of teens....

Chez Moi by Agnes Desarthe. Short chapters make for easy concentration and starting/stopping points. French woman undoes bad past through cooking. If you like Chocolat or Like Water for Chocolate, this is for you.

It also wouldn't hurt to read or re-read the kids' summer reading novels. I have to admit one of the best finds was re-reading Ethan Frome, a novel I hated when I was in tenth grade. This summer I plan on re-reading my 9th grade nemesis, Great Expectations. Dickens and I went round and round with that one back then, but now I can give him some mad props...or something like that.
Have fun reading and don't worry about how much or what. Just do it.

Sunrise Sunset -Please!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Tue, 27 May 2008 14:17:00 +0000

I found a great blog site by a young woman named Vanessa VanPatten. Her insight can be helpful to parents and teens alike. She works with both groups to bring them closer. Vanessa writes from a not too far removed teen perspective (She's only 22) and a trained and educated parenting perspective. Her site is http://www.vanessavanpatten.com/

She writes- For parents: "Hang in there. Don't give up" . She wants parents of teens to know that their kids will "come back." Vanessa, too, went through a tumultuous time with her parents, and she remembers the pain of it. When she sees other families in the midst of a painful or dysfunctional period she knows that parents wonder if they will ever get through it...the negativity, the challenges, the bad behavior. Vanessa's not only seen it all, she's experienced it. Now, a young adult, she offers hope to parents and reinforces their efforts to listen and connect.

Another suggestions for parents is to facilitate and support your teen's relationships with other adults. "A good mentor can make a big difference to a teenager and provide adult guidance when a parent is not able to get through." She attributes some of her success to the positive mentors she had in a dance instructor and an older cousin. Think coaches, teachers, or counselors. She also suggests staying connected and communicating with other parents. There is definitely strength in numbers and less "nobody else has such an early curfew!" if all parents are on the same page.

For teenagers: "Strive for balance." If you are overly-stressed because of too many commitments or in response to high expectations, find time to take care of yourself, even if it means giving a little less effort to responsibilities. In reverse, if you are slacking and short changing yourself and your potential, get a grip and get focused. If school has you worried, identify why and find a solution. Tutors, study groups, meeting with teachers, time management...solve the problem, don't stress over it. If you are a big partier, party a little less, and be a little more responsible. If your physical or mental health is an issue, make yourself a priority. Diet, exercise, nutrition, counseling..take control and take charge of your own body. If relationships have got you bugged, change patterns and change your life. Big swings seem to be prevalent in teens lives, and learning to balance is the way to even things out.

My own observation has been that even when kids go through a rocky time, those that have good roots and a strong home life do seem to rebound back and straighten out. Functioning and contributing young adults are very successfully navigating this part of their lives - though their earlier years were rocky and unpredictable. Parents who were tearing their hair out and wringing their hands five years ago are now reaping the benefits of hanging in there and (come heck or high water) loving their headstrong teen unconditionally. Teens do grow up and many do grow out of those stages that seemed so daunting and confusing to their family. Eureka- a loving and contributing human type person miraculously reappears! That flesh of your flesh and blood of your blood returns to the fold. That familiar person you knew and loved stands before you. Behold. Your son or your daughter.

One Last Word...

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Sat, 24 May 2008 15:12:00 +0000

School has just ended and area seniors have graduated. Two-and-a-half months of hot fun in the summertime (to quote Sly and the Family Stone) are just beginning. I value that freedom from books and schedules and rules.

But always in the back of my mind is a plan that takes discipline and schedules and rules. A plan for how to stay afloat in the wake of a billowing wave of higher food and gas prices. Higher college tuition. Higher everything. So, even though seniors graduated last night, today they still need a plan and so do you (and so do I!).

Anu, a blogger mother, left a comment for us. Her sons are 8 and 6, and she wanted to know how to save more than they currently save for their sons' college expenses. Their current disciplined savings plan is $100 per child every month. That is a fantastic start, especially since there is still ten years until her oldest child graduates. At that rate, they will have, at current savings interest rates, somewhere over $12,000 for their oldest son - or, the cost of one year of college at today's prices.

Additionally, the family earns more than $100,000 per year. There are other saving instruments available that earn a higher return than a savings account, but I am not a financial analyst and can't give that advice with a guarantee (can anyone?). This is the surest advice to Anu and others making between $70,000 to $110,000 wanting to up the odds on paying for college:

Bad news - at your current income level - and surely that will rise significantly over the next 10 years before your oldest is in college - the tuition deduction on income taxes is almost nil and so are need-based scholarships. Unless you are willing to not buy any new clothes, turn your heat and air way down, take fewer showers or put a brick in the toilet tank, and use leftover meatloaf as the base for spaghetti sauce, I can't tell you any way to get more money out of your salary. Live on less. I can't say it enough.
There is a savings instrument called a 509 Savings Plan into which any family member can contribute and the good news is it's tax deductible without having to file the long form, but you will have to check with your state to see if it participates in the plan and if it's tax deductible.

My best advice in light of your stated income is:
*
Make your boys study every night - have a place or time specifically for studying and monitor that they are doing it and continue to do it through their teen years (that's when people relax and stop studying/monitoring), so that it is a habit.
*
Practice for the ACT and SAT (but not right now at 8!). Take it several times. It has been my students' experiences that colleges start looking at 27 - 29, but 32-33 is preferred for scholarships at prestigious schools.
*
Mold your boys into active participants in school, from course work to extracurricular activities and enrichment opportunities such as fieldtrips, summer programs, music lessons, sports teams, etc.
*
Now, when they are little, make them save half of all the money they get from birthday presents, yard work/chores/allowance. It doesn't have to be half, but there is a great story about Rockefeller (I think) who taught his children the secrets of financial independence that way. Pay yourself first, in other words, and live on less than you have. I have had so many students who have tried hard, earned good grades, been magna cum laude, only to find there is no scholarship money for the middle class, unless one has a knock-out ACT or SAT score. So, save, strive for excellence, and make sure your children understand the goal.
*
Know your own goal and continue saving.

So, school's out for the summer. Put that hectic schedule on the back burner, but keep the pot simmering on ways to advance the little ones' opportunities. As much as there is ever a guarantee, this will ensure many great summers for the rest of your lives!

The Power Of One

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Mon, 19 May 2008 15:17:00 +0000

School's out! Summer's around the corner. Freedom. Lazy days. Loose schedules. Sleeping late. No homework. Time on your hands. Footloose and Fancy Free. Three months of your life.

Lake time. Concerts. Going to the mall. Road Trips. Getting a tan. Swimming. Playing ball. Hanging with friends. Talking on yur cellphone. June, July and August-the best months of the year.

Let's throw another idea out here. Could you consider making this summer a little more productive? Could you give some precious free time to perhaps make your world a better place? Is it possible to share your skills, your youth and enthusiasm in a worthwhile endeavor? Can you make a difference? Of course you can.

If you read the last two blogs, you will see a pattern. To claim your future, you must plan today. Doing something constructive and philanthropic is not only a good thing to do, it is a good thing for you. You learn leadership, you take responsibility, you acquire discipline. Helping out helps you think outside your box, expands your world view and exposes you to new ideas and new perspectives. A by-product is that choosing to make this summer count also adds more to your future college application than "I have a a good personality and am a people person."

Do you need some ideas? Organize a bake sale. "Share Our Strength" is tackling world hungry, one cupcake at a time. Go to http://www.strength.org/ for all the scoop. Want to help, get a tan and a workout at the same time? Contact Habitat for Humanity and help a family have a home of their own. Interested in politics? In case you haven't noticed, there is an election going on. Walk in your candidate's campaign headquarters and offer your help. Keep your ears open and learn the process. Do you love animals? Contact your local animal shelter and share the love. Thinking Green? Implement a recycling campaign, a park or river clean up or a community awareness effort that educates everyone. There is lots of info on the web and tools to get started.

Don't think it has to be you alone. Be the leader and get your team, your club or your friends involved. How about a one day Lemonade Sale at key locations that benefits a local and worthwhile charity. The charity gains the financial support and you gain all the skills needed to pull the event together. Public Relations, donations, advertising, sponsors, accountability, organization and volunteer recruitment- look what you can do!

Think about what you enjoy and incorporate it into your project. Biking, music, jogging, cooking, medicine, the outdoors, the environment, farming, fashion, children, older people, reading, writing....the list is endless. I read about a fourteen year old who regularly visited his Grandfather in a nursing home. He noticed all the residents wanted to talk to him and to share their stories. He motivated his middle school band to make regular visits to the nursing home. They brought treats and encouraged their older "friends" to talk and even recorded their stories. Later the group printed the stories and returned them as journals to the residents at the nursing home.

Have a wonderful summer "off". That's important. But "off" could just mean different. Watch a little less TV. Spend a little less time on the computer. Put the X Box down for a minute. Get off your duff and get on with your life. Identify and implement something bigger than you are. Now that's a way to spend the summer!

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Muskogee's Teen Mayor Talks to Seniors

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Sat, 17 May 2008 13:19:00 +0000

John Tyler Hammons, Muskogee's most prominent teenager as mayor-elect of the 37,000-person town, spoke briefly to the Class of 2008 at Muskogee High School's Senior Awards Day.

His message was short, but effective. Follow your dreams and don't wait to do it.

Everyone knows by now that just last year, with the Class of 2007, Muskogee's new mayor was sitting right where those seniors were sitting. If anyone was in a position to illustrate the importance of taking the action necessary to achieve one's goals, it's Tyler. He is truly an inspiration in his drive, intellect, and perseverance. Everyone from this year's seniors to senior citizens can learn a thing or two from this outstanding young man. Don't wait - do it.

Unfortunately, the "it" is not quite so clear for all those who were sitting there in their caps and gowns at Senior Awards Day. What that last four years had been about was revealed to many seniors only as they sat there listening to the same few names being called over and over again for the awards.

Some of the outstanding seniors had gotten to their place of achievement solely on their own, and that is so commendable, but it is nearly an anomaly. The majority, including our new mayor, had very supportive parents who were there every step of the way. One thing I observed about these kids is that they actually talk to their parents and vice versa. There is talk around the dinner table, sometimes mundane, sometimes about politics, history, music, or art. Sometimes just talk about KISS, or Earth, Wind, and Fire, Men Without Hats, or The Clash. Chrissie and I have said it many times before - it is proven by study after study - talking to one's children is the most effective way to keep them moving toward success.

We know what makes for good parenting. Tyler's point is just as releveant for effective parenting as it is for those in the Class of 2008 or for anyone wanting to provide leadership in their city, church, school, or family. Why are you waiting - just do it!

Congratulations to Muskogee High School seniors who garnered over $4 million in scholarship money!

Monday, May 19 - Senior Banquet
Wednesday and Thursday, May 21-22 - Graduation Practice
Friday, May 23 - Commencement

Good luck and congratulations to all graduating seniors in our area. Go out and have a great life!

Graduation Day

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Mon, 12 May 2008 17:00:00 +0000

May is here and summer vacation is not far behind. High School Seniors will be graduating at the end of the month. It is an exciting time. Getting your cap and gown. Sending announcements. Senior activities, awards ceremonies, "Senior Check Out", and graduation practice. Signing yearbooks. Exchanging pictures. Finally knowing where you are going to be the next year.

My career as a Senior English teacher enabled me to share in the experience year after year. I sometimes felt like a sociologist, watching the evolution of a species. Early in the fall, the "Senior" title was intoxicating. The new status and power was long anticipated and now relished. Senior Parking lot, the "good lunch", leaving campus for concurrent enrollment or DECA and ruling the Pep Assemblies. Most Seniors were now confidently within their "groups". Those groups were the circles of friends that had been developing and repositioning in the lower grades. There was less "angst" Senior Year.

After Christmas, the atmosphere changed. College applications were due. FAFSA forms indicated eligibility for aid. GPA's became very concrete reminders of effort and opportunities. ACT scores were in for the last time. Those prepared and ready were looking forward. Those that never got it, began looking back. Effort and drive in the final semester? Those that did, were and those that didn't, really weren't. This time of year, it was a difficult job to keep either group engaged in Macbeth or Expository writing or the evaluation of logical arguments.

Spring. Senior Week finally arrived. There was the ginger- haired kid who was absolutely elated because he "passed" high school. There was the Valedictorian, headed East in the fall, who brought a small gift with a personal note that made me cry. A tattooed and pierced tough guy spontaneously picked me up and twirled me around his last day of class. A very young and unmarried Mother asked me to sign her yearbook and to pose for a picture with her, baby and all. A newly enlisted and shorn eighteen year old boy shared dreams of opportunities offered by the military. He would head off to Basic, six days after graduation.

You try as a teacher to instill a love of learning. "It's important" - you repeat again and again. You try as a teacher to expand horizons and widen the often limited vision of teens. How to get them to step out of the now and how to look toward the future. How to give them the tools to set life goals and then, zero in on how to attain them. To realize all things are possible but no things are given. You try as teacher to lead each student to a bright and promising future. The next step? You stand back and cross your fingers.

This time of year I always get nostalgic. I miss the excitement and anticipation I vicariously absorbed through my graduating students. I miss the hub-bub and energy of the last week. I miss the shared plans and destinations. I miss their youthful confidence in the future. I miss their smiles as they bounce, or run, or bop, or glide across the stage. Each gown clad graduate receives their diploma, shakes an outstretched hand and heads down the stairs- to their future-and to the rest of their life.

****Best Wishes Class of 2008****
**May All Your Dreams Come True**

Another Tribute to Mother

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Sun, 11 May 2008 02:10:00 +0000

Here is another tribute to mothers for Mother's Day. It's been around the email a few times, but it's worth repeating and is good reading for mothers, fathers, and children of all ages.

BEING A MOTHER...

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to
take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She
said, 'I love you, but I know this other woman loves
you and would love to spend some time with you.'

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit
was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years,
but the demands of my work and my three children had
made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for
dinner and a movie.

'What's wrong, aren't you well,' she asked?

My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a
late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign
of bad news.

'I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some
time with you,' I responded. 'Just the two of us.'
She thought about it for a moment, and then said,
'I would like that very much.'

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick
her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her
house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous
about our date. She waited in the door with her coat
on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the
dress that she had worn to celebrate her last
wedding anniversary.

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an
angel's. 'I told my friends that I was going to go
out with my son, and they were impressed,' she said,
as she got into the car. 'They can't wait to hear
about our meeting.'

We went to a restaurant that, although not
elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my
arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat
down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only
read large print. Half way through the entries, I
lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at
me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. 'It was I
who used to have to read the menu when you were
small,' she said. 'Then it's time that you relax and
let me return the favor,' I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable
conversation- -nothing extraordinary but catching up
on recent events of each other's life. We talked so
much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, 'I'll
go out with you again, but only if you let me invite
you.' I agreed.

'How was your dinner date?' asked my wife when I
got home. 'Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,' I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive
heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't
have a chance to do anything for her.

Some time later, I received an envelope with a
copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place
mother and I had dined. An attached note said: 'I
paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I
could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two
plates - one for you and the other for your wife.
You will never know what that night meant for me. I
love you, son.'

At that moment, I understood the importance of
saying in time: 'I LOVE YOU' and to give our loved
ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is
more important than your family. Give them the time
they deserve, because these things cannot be put off
till 'some other time.'
eeeeeeeeee
Happy Mother's Day...Everyday!

A Lesson in Love

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Tue, 06 May 2008 19:42:00 +0000

The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked. And God answered her "Yes, this way is hard, and you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning." But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, she fed them and bathed them, taught them how to tie their shoes and ride a bike, and reminded them to feed the dog and do their homework and brush their teeth. The sun shone on them and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."

Then the nights came, and the storms and the path was sometimes dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her arms and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come." And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, "a little patience and we are there." So the children climbed and as they climbed they learned to weather the storms. And with this, she gave them strength to face the world.

Year after year she showed them compassion, understanding, and hopes, but most of all...unconditional love. And when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you." The days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And the mother, when she lay down at night, looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned so much and are now passing these traits on to their children. My work is done."

A Mother is more than a memory. She is a living presence. Your Mother is always with you. She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street, she's the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and perfume that she wore, she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well, she's your breath in the air on a cold winters day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow, she is your birthday morning.

Your Mother lives inside your laughter and she's crystallized in every tear drop. A mother experiences every emotion...happiness, sadness, fear, jealousy, love, hate, anger, excitement, joy, sorrow - all the while hoping and praying you will only know the good feelings in life. She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's the map you follow with every step you take.

author unknown

Happy Mothers Day

Paying for Student Achievement

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Sat, 03 May 2008 02:50:00 +0000

End-of-Instruction exams (EOI) may be over, but a new round of testing is just beginning. Starting this coming week (May 5 - 16), students across the U.S. will sit for Advanced Placement Exams with the hopes of earning college credit and, in at least one place, some cold hard cash.

Wilby High School in Waterbury, Conn. has decided to offer money as a reward incentive to boost its AP program. Students who pass AP Exams will earn $100 for every test on which they make a 3, 4, or 5 (5 being the highest score). The fund for the cash incentives is supplied by a $451,113 grant from the National Math and Science Initiative.

The plan is to boost enrollment and participation in the Advanced Placement Program, an advanced studies program sponsored by the College Board (which also runs the SAT testing program) that can net students college credit. This Wilbury plan gets double rewards for students - not only can they get college credit for their passing score, they can also earn money. It's a win-win situation. Right now 112 students participate in the AP program. By paying students to participate, the school hopes to double the number of students in the program.

Sounds great, but I for one hope paying students for achievement doesn't catch on nation-wide. There are a couple of danger signs for our country evident in such attempts. First, usually the smartest and most motivated kids are directed toward AP - if we have to pay them to participate in an advanced program, we're down the tubes anyway.

The most important reason we should not pay students for their achievements, however, is that there is not enough money in the world to pay people, even youngsters who might need added incentive, for doing what is right. Paying students is a really bad precedent that can only undermine further the noble cause it is trying to promote, namely getting more students involved in their own education.

To me, a more rational way of "paying" students to participate in the AP testing program is the approach Muskogee High School has taken this year. The District has paid the exam fees, rather costly at approximately $80 each, for every AP course in which a student is enrolled. This gives students the opportunity to earn free college credit in a variety of subjects from AP English Literature to AP Chemistry. In a way, the student is being paid by being given the opportunity to take what could be $400 worth of AP Exams for free. Additionally, the student is excused from taking those courses in college, another savings of around $300+ per class.

We should ask ourselves, if we pay students for AP today, what will we pay them for tomorrow? Don't forget, these are our potential workers. If you own a business, can you forsee how much a plan like this will cost you?

Hallowed Halls and Ivy Walls

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 01:15:00 +0000

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Melony's information about paying for college is something to think about. So many American families live pay check to pay check. College five to ten years from now seems an easy financial obligation to put on the back burner. "There is lots of time." "We'll be in better financial shape then." "Precious is a 4th grade genius, I know she'll get a full scholarship when she graduates." "Did you see the way Little Jr. slammed that baseball? Colleges will be lined up for him to play for them."

Unless your statement begins, "Peggy Sue's trust fund......." do not assume money will magically appear when the time comes. It does not. Do not assume the astounding figures you see for four years of college is all it will cost. It isn't. Do not assume grants and scholarships happen just because your child is smart, or talented, or athletically gifted, or a minority, or a girl, or a boy, or handicapped, or whatever else is floating around out there. A friend of mine tells the story of his first day at Trinity University in San Antonio. The Freshman Dean stands before a room full of eager beavers and asks, "How many here were Valedictorian of their Senior class?" Pat proudly holds up his hand.........along with at least 80% of the audience. There are many worthy and outstanding 18 year olds, all vying for a limited number of scholarships and grants. Your child may catch the brass ring, and many do. But many others are welcomed by their university with open arms and a bursar bill.

This subject is near and dear to my heart. My daughter Catherine is graduating from The University of Oklahoma in two weeks. She is the third of our four to walk across the stage at Owens Field and the 4th Wagner is on target for 2010. When Tom graduates, we will have had at least one and sometimes 2 children in Norman for 14 straight years. My husband and I are very familiar with Bursar's bills.

Has it been a struggle? Sure it has. Have the sacrifices been worth it? Unquestionably.

Take it from someone who knows. Start saving now. Find ways to sock money away in a college savings plan as early as possible. Say, on your way home from the hospital after giving birth. Encourage your child to save toward college, not toward a new truck or a cell phone or a sound system or $125.00 tennis shoes. Make education a priority in your home. Make saving for college a focus.

I don't want to dissuade anyone from setting goals to attain scholarships. Academics, activities, leadership, service, all of these increase your child's chances of getting financial assistance. There are also lots of local scholarships that really help that first year. Encourage your senior to write the essays, fill out all the forms and apply for everything. That $250.00 scholarship goes a long way to cover first semester text books or student activity fees.

The college experience is broadening and enriching. Campus life offers new experiences and activities, exposure to new ideas and thought provoking intellectual debate. Lifelong friends are made and goals and aspirations are set. A positive four years opens up the world for a young adult. After graduation, that college degree opens up career choices, the vehicle to realize dreams, and the tools to make dreams come true.

When your children are small, don't make college a "maybe." Make it a "given." Make it the natural and assumed next step after high school. Include your kids in the loop. Let them know the sacrifices made, so higher education will be available when they graduate. Academics, financial planning, discipline and responsibility, long term goal setting, social skills, community involvement- these are all components that will make your home a setting for true "college prep."

The Counter is Ticking

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 05:55:00 +0000

Want to scare yourself to death? Visit Savingforcollege.com and calculate how much money you will need to save to put your child through college from beginning to end, all expenses paid. This sight calculates for you the amount of money you will need to save per month based on your child's current age.

If your child is 13, you have five years to save for college expenses. The "Simplest College Calculator" on the site can adjust for the amount you want to spend. For instance, if you just want to pay for 80 per cent of your child's expenses, expecting your child to work or get a partial scholarship to pay for the rest, you can adjust the calculator down.

If you want to pay for 100% of your child's college expenses, your child is 13, and you haven't saved a penny yet, you would need to start saving around $1,268 per month to afford that kind of an education. It only gets worse the older your child gets, if your child's college savings account is sitting at nil.

The site also has information on 529 College Savings Plans and other savings instruments, but you don't have to buy anything. As the parent of two college-aged children (one in law school) I would advise you to check out this web site today. It will give you an estimate of what you are facing in the way of college costs. You may as well pay yourself, as pay one of the college lending institutions.

Another thing to consider is that loan money is drying up. Restrictions for student achievement to get and maintain student loans are being tightened. If your child cannot maintain a 2.0, loan money probably won't be there anyway.

There are so many things to think about when factoring college costs. Education is the best way to understand the savings process, as well as the borrowing process. The counter is ticking and you want it to tick in your favor, not in interest from college loans.

Talk to Me

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 13:51:00 +0000

Remember how we communicated as kids? The old Dixie cups and a piece of string, stretched taut and tight. Our gang could never quite hear each other through them and ended up yelling back and forth. Upscale were the Walkie Talkies. They had a a range of about "out of earshot" and often there was more static than actual conversation. My brothers and neighborhood boys devised an elaborate signal system, using flags and secret symbols. I had a Brownie book that detailed how to make invisible ink using lemon juice. The message was revealed by holding the paper over a candle. Paula Bower and I promptly caught the carpet on fire.

Sometimes communicating with our teenagers seems just as difficult. Not only are the messages hard to decipher, the other participant seems less than willing to share the codes. What follows are some proven tools to help us (parents) communicate more effectively with them (adolescents). Thanks to Sue Blaney, author of Please Stop the Roller-Coaster for the insight and suggestions.

Focus on connection more than communication
You're the adult…you may need to meet your teen more than half-way
Expect to utilize indirect communication methods at times
Become good at reading all kinds of communication from your teen's body language, the emotions that underlie the words, his behavior, his friends behavior, etc
It is okay to negotiate on negotiable topics
Allow her to express her opinions
Treat him with respect no matter what
Invest in the emotional bank account you share

But what about when courteous listening and responding on the adult end is met with total opposition in return? Sure, we are to be the mature side, but it is difficult to remain calm and understanding while receiving a verbal slap in the face. Turning the other cheek is sometimes a hard thing to do. Your feelings deserve respect too.

When teens are non-communicative or very negative with us over a period of time, we need to explore if:
This child is in trouble and is in need of intervention
We are in some way fostering this communication breakdown
It is time we stand our ground and no longer accept unacceptable behavior
It is necessary to analyze both his behavior, and ours

The million dollar question? Why do teenagers communicate negatively with their parents? Blaney offers the following:
* Teens are going through major changes, and major stresses. It is possible that the only place he feels comfortable enough to act out, is with his parents.
* It is also possible that he is acting out toward his parents because he is frustrated with the relationships, rules, expectations, communication style or some other elements in family life.
*He may be feeling stress, or emotions that he does not understand or can't handle.
* He may be dealing with serious issues at school.
* He may be facing depression, or feeling really badly about himself.
*He may want to reach out and ask for help, but feels uncomfortable to do so.

If your parent radar is going off and the behavior seems more than normal- Evaluate your teen's behavior in terms of duration, frequency and intensity - How long has she been acting this way? How extensive and dramatic is this change in her behavior? How frequently do you see this behavior?

To gather information, "circle the wagons". Look to other adults in your child's life. Contact counselors, teachers and coaches. Speak with your youth pastor, adult friends, family-find out about the attitude and demeanor your teenager expresses to others. Do things seem amiss, or does he just save his nastiness for you? As you begin to gain a more thorough understanding of his state of mind, you can develop an appropriate strategy.

Assess your family dynamics. Families are intimately connected, and problems that show up in one person may indicate larger, more systemic issues that need to be addressed. Does your teenager receive enough loving attention? Does she feel safe and well cared for? Are there issues of competition or undue stress, unfair expectations, needs that are not being met? Try to be as honest as possible as you gather information about if and how you might be enabling and contributing to the communication breakdown.

The most productive communication will take place when calmness reigns. It may be time to have an honest discussion together, and if you set things up right this can be an opportunity to uncover important feelings and share honestly. Perhaps a family meeting would be helpful. Schedule it in advance. Be calm, non-judgmental and ready to listen to all family members.

Most families go through times of turmoil and challenge, and things get hard at times. Raising teens is not a problem to be solved but an adventure to be lived. Children are a long term investment. With unconditional love and with practiced patience, weathering this storm of adolescence will reap benefits that last a lifetime.

Winning the Parent Lottery

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 23:56:00 +0000

Randy Pausch, computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon University is dying of pancreatic cancer. Well, maybe I should say he is living of pancreatic cancer. Maybe you saw him on tv recently - I didn't, but wish I had. I picked up his book at the book store because I needed some inspiration put back in my life. Randy definitely has the market cornered on that.

Randy addresses topics of Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams, Adventures, Enabling the Dreams of Others, and It's About How to Live Your Life in his book The Last Lecture. He has had phenomenal experiences in his life, but what struck me was how many times he mentions his parents in his lecture. He claims he won the parent lottery - what an awesome tribute to those people who brought him into the world.

Just what was so great about Randy's parents? His mother was an old-school English teacher who had definite expectations for her children, but allowed them the creative freedom to explore and express themselves. His father was a WW II veteran who had won the bronze star for saving fellow soldiers' lives, although Pausch never knew this until after his father's death. His dad also started a non-profit organization to help immigrant children learn English. Needless to say, these parents set the bar high.

Pausch says money was never an issue in their home, but his parents didn't buy much. Instead, they thought about everything. A dictionary was madatory at the dinner table. His mom and dad under-wrote a 50 student dormitory in Thailand. When Pausch recieved his PhD, his mother would introduce him as her doctor son, but "not the kind that helps people," always keeping his ego in check. Humility, compassion, integrity, achieving wealth in thrift while greatly enjoying life - these are the lessons his parents instilled.

Pausch may have won the parent lottery, but his parents didn't wait for fate or the lottery to determine their course of action. The lottery implies that the choice to be a good parent is out of our hands and that's not true. Everyday we can make a conscious decision to be the kind of parent a kid will still look up to when he/she is fifty or seventy or ninety, long after we are gone. Our kids may not have a choice about whom they get as parents, but we do have a choice about what kind of parents we are and what kind of leadership we provide for our children.

Be Connected - Stay Connected

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 23:11:00 +0000

It's horrifying to watch. It's hard to miss. Turn on any news show and the video is endlessly played and discussed. Six girls lure a 16-year-old " friend" to a home with a phone call. She is met at the door by one girl while five others hide. As she walks into the trap two teens begin attacking her, slamming her head against the wall. When the ambushed girl regains consciousness, the girls take turns hitting her, all the while cheering one another on and videoing the thirty-minute attack. One voice is heard yelling: "There is only 17 seconds left, make it good." Two boys wait outside as lookouts.

All eight teens have been arrested for assault The victim apparently posted something against one of the girls on My Space. According to her attackers the girl deserved the treatment. Not one of the young women has showed any remorse for their deeds.

It's time for a reality check. This incident is not an isolated affair. Physical aggression among girls is a quickly growing trend. Statistics reveal that American girls are becoming as prone to violent behavior as boys. Dr Ruth Peters, a Today show contributor, sites the following:

· 20 years ago roughly ten boys were arrested for assault every one girl. That ratio is now four to one.
· Girls in gangs are just as likely to participate in beatings as boys.
· U.S. Department of Justice shows that in 1990 one in 50 juvenile arrests for all crimes is a girl. In 2003 one in three juvenile arrests for violent crimes is a girl.
· More than one in every four teens aged 13 to 15 who are arrested for aggravated assault is a girl.

The question is, why now? What has changed in our culture that triggers young women (and young men) to physically attack each other, seemingly without regret or remorse? Experts argue that video games, TV and movies, mass media, popular music and the Internet all glorify violence. There is a site to post fights on My Space called "Put Em On." That promised 15 minutes of fame further encourages the actions. It also validates and legitimizes the violence. Certainly, these examples are symptoms of a culture gone haywire, but these influences are unfortunately modeled by adult behaviors the kids come in contact with every day. Their actions are reflecting adult culture.

Sit a couple of times at a Little League game and watch a parent "lose it" over a call. Shows like Jerry Springer have made cat fighting a form of entertainment. A distraught Father murders his own children, just to get back at his wife. A college student dresses in black and methodically shoots anything moving, because of his own personal failures. Individuals drive by houses and fire guns out of the window, all in the name of "saving face." An inconvenient pregnancy is no big deal, thanks to Roe V/S Wade. Road Rage is how some deal with the frustration of merely driving a car. Could it be true? Is a society of screaming, vitriolic, short tempered and self- centered grown-ups raising America's children?

Remember Steve Martin's comment from the movie Parenthood ? "You have to have a license to go fishing but they put a live baby in your arms and let you walk straight out of the hospital." It's true. This infant is placed in our care, unfortunately, without any operating instructions. Mothers and Fathers have to go on instinct and what they themselves learned at their own parents knee. If the experience wasn't so great, statistics show the next generation won't be so great at parenting either.

American families must break this cycle. Kids cannot be cast adrift to raise themselves. Parents, get to your kids before the culture does. Then, when our children are faced with decisions, they will have the tools and the inner voices to make the right choices. Dr. Michael Bradley observes that parenting is a contact sport. Be connected with your children. Only through this connection will they learn what is right, what is good and what is true.

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Parent Prom Night Talks #1

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 01:11:00 +0000

Proms have been inching up toward April for some time now. This year April 26th seems to be a popular date for this Junior-Senior event. It's not too early to start dropping hints about the harzards of drinking and driving during this time of year, or anytime for that matter.

With tougher penalties for drinking and driving and better education about alcohol abuse, instances of teen drunkeness appear to be waning. Sometimes it is hard to really tell, though, if a teen has developed a drinking or drug habit, especially if drinking (etc.) is taken for granted in your house. Teens are so good at hiding the signs and parents are so good at ignoring them.

How do you know if your teen has formed a dangerous habit? Parenting expert Alison Birnbaum suggests these warning signs:

1. Your child's relationships have suffered because he/she is no longer seen as being able to keep his/her word.

2. Your child's school work has suffered.

3. Your child has been treated or limited by a community institution: the school, the police, or the hospital.

4. Your child's habit continues even though it makes her/his life worse.

These signs are warnings that your child is in trouble and can't be ignored. Ideally, you have been talking about drinking and driving or other dangerous behaviors with your child more than just at Prom time. But, if you find the above warning signs manifesting themselves often, remain calm, investigate, and take the proper action. More often than not addiction is not the cause of the above symptoms, especially if they are isolated incidences. If they are prolonged, however, you need to take action.

Some great suggestions are found at the Parents: The Antidrug campaign. Google that or go to theantidrug.com. There are quizzes, articles, RSS feeds, and suggestions for help.

A safe and happy Prom night to all. Oh, and do wait up - it's one of the best ways to tell what's really going on.

Stuck Right In the Middle

noreply@blogger.com (Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner) — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 18:21:00 +0000

Who is this stranger that is inhabiting your middle-schooler's body? Living with this child is like a 24 hour carnival. Roller coaster emotions that go up, up, up then downnnn. All sugar and sweet cotton candy then bam, gut wrenching nachos, loaded with angry jalapenos. The childlike notes of a Merry Go Round, drowned out by a brightly dressed carny, offering illicit and illegal thrills and chills. Smiles and cheers when the big teddy bear is won, or battered and bruised on the bumper car ride. This is a middle-schooler.

Put yourself in their place. You have been promoted. Moved up the ladder. You're delighted. More freedom. Whoops. It doesn't take long to see your work load has doubled. You have to spend more time at home on projects you regard as busy work. It seems like your boss does not trust you. He's always questioning, going through your papers, even reprimanding you about your untidy desk.

You don't know if your co-workers like you. They dress better, act more comfortable, all know each other. The other day, one of them criticizes you in front of everyone. It is so humiliating. Additionally, you feel lousy. You are so tired. It's hard to even get out of bed. And just look at yourself in the mirror. You feel too fat. You feel too thin. You are too round. You are flat as a pancake. You are too short. You are too tall. You look in glass and truly don't know who you are anymore.

Doesn't sound too fun does it? Welcome to your tween's world. It's easy to forget these kids are living in a pressure cooker. The world is changing quicker than they can adjust and compensate for. Charlene Giannetti, in her book, The Roller Coaster Years offers a short list of frustrations 10-15 year olds are dealing with.

They yearn for independence when they are still being told what to do by parents, teachers and older siblings.
They are the target of many advertising campaigns, yet have limited disposable income of their own.
They are obsessed with how they look just as nature is wreaking havoc on their bodies.
They yearn for peer acceptance while some of their peers make life miserable for them.
They worry about doing well in school, just as workload and responsibilities increase.
They are on the brink of adulthood, yet have trouble controlling childish impulses.
They are eager to voice their opinions, but they still have difficulty formulating coherent arguments.
They maintain a hectic schedule -at a time when their physical development demands they sleep more.

Parents of these tween-agers need to take a deep breath and then get ready. Gird your loins as the saying goes. Patience and consistency help keep your child centered and secure on the home front when the rest of their world seems topsy- turvy. Don't sweat the small stuff and stick to your guns on the important issues. Be specific on rules and expectations. Be flexible when it's possible. Insist on family time and family events. Build up, encourage, emphasize and listen. Then stand back in amazement as your child begins to begin their growing up life.

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