Make It Count

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Can you believe it? Summer's halfway over. The kids have been home for 6 weeks. Though the time off is grand, certain things may be getting on your nerves. Dirty dishes in the sink, milk left on the counter, arguments about activities and curfews, chores left undone, any of this sound familiar? Do you feel like your teens are not listening, much less cooperating? Close your eyes. Stand back a minute. Think about why you are frustrated and impatient. Then think about how to switch gears and redirect the energy in your home.

Don't major in the minors
Five small words that speak volumes: Don't sweat the small stuff! If you look back over the summer you will remember lots of arguments and tiffs that really amounted to very little. A rule of thumb? "If it won't have a lasting effect beyond a few days, let it go." Sound too simplistic? Perhaps in some cases, but most of the time it's a sanity saver. A kid has not been permanently damaged by not brushing their teeth for a few nights, or by playing music too loud, or by the bed actually being made only on sheet-changing days. Or, if your son is too tired to complete the lawn mowing once in a while, you may let him get up early the next morning and finish the job.

What is important, though, is that the focus is upon the important things. Your "important" may be different from your neighbor's list of priorities. In your house having dinner together may be important as it helps keep communication open and children eating something nutritious. Dr. Oz calls American kids "white kids". Nothing to do with race, merely the color of the foods that make up the bulk of our children's diets. Focus on green and orange and red and yellow for a while. Changing your family's eating habits could be considered "the big stuff."

Your family code of values (what's major, not minor) may involve promises made, being where you say you will be, curfews, driving, abstinence from substance use, etc. It is different for everyone, but try to focus upon issues that involve education, safety, avoidance of illegal activities and positive peer and role models for your kids. If your daughter wants to try purple streaks in her hair, perhaps that's a possibility this summer when it won't be so embarrassing. Simply put, go along with some of the requests, compromise when possible and stick to your guns on the big stuff. As a student of mine once aptly explained, " I just tune out my Mom because it's always blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, my Dad is usually quiet so when he says something, I know it's important and I had better listen."

Make your words count when it comes to instruction and discipline. Fill in the open spaces with words of praise, love and encouragement. As my Yoga teacher explained, "fill the air with positive energy." Take a deep breath. Ummmmm.




XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

All They Want For Christmas.....

Remember how easy Christmas shopping for your children used to be? Sure, you might have met a shadowy figure under a street lamp to score a Tickle Me Elmo, but the bulk of Santa's presents were found in one toy department or another. A big purchase might be a $100 Barbie Car but the rest of the list was pretty easy to fill.

Those were the good old days. You know what's coming. The BIG list. It starts in middle school and by high school, our increasingly sophisticated and savvy teens want it all. Designer names roll off their tongues. Chanel, Lacoste, Vuitton, Burberry. Communicating means Razor Phones, Blackberries, Ipod's and Laptop Computers. Levi's are out, 7's and Prada and True Religion are in. Don't forget Sound Systems, Spa Treatments, Plasma TV's and a new vehicle in the driveway, still with the paper tag on the back windshield. Ah. If wishes were fishes.

You have worked hard on instilling values and realistic expectations and it seems like it has gone out the window. Lindsey Lohan and her newest Marc Jacobs bag get their attention and they want one, just like it. Years ago my oldest daughter used her baby-sitting and Christmas money to buy a Dooney and Bourke purse. It was very important to her. I think the purse was about $200.00 and I bit my tongue as my 14 year old counted out her hard-earned cash.

I asked Annie last night if she remembered buying it and she said she still remembered how the leather smelled and how the strap felt on her shoulder. This personal child is now a grown woman. She is a wonderful wife and Mother. She is level headed and lovely and sensible. She does, however, still love a quality hand-bag!

I guess what I am saying is, if something seems so important to them and they are willing to work for it, let them. Just make sure the acquistions and getting them don't seem to be replacing school, social activities and home. (See Melanie's previous post) Of course we all know not just to buy whatever they want!!! It is not a good thing!

Remember when you were young? What would have been on your Christmas or Birthday list? I think of yellow Pappagallo shoes, a scarab bracelet, a red leather maxi coat and front row seats to James Taylor. What did you want more than anything? It's scary that when I look at my list above, I would still love the shoes, the bracelet and the James Taylor tickets. Is this called a time warp?

Here are a couple of ideas for affordable gifts that say I love you. They may help your teen get over his disappointment that the Hummer is not in the driveway.
1. An I.O.U. for a concert ticket of his or her choice
2. A gas card with x amount
3. Gift Certificates to restaurants all over town or at a particular favorite
4. The expensive hair products that you refuse to buy on a regular basis
5. A Day of Beauty. Manicure, Pedicure -The Works.
6. Hunting or Fishing Trip with like minded family and friends
7. Lessons with a Professional- golf, tennis, Scuba certification,
rock climbing, guitar- whatever their interest is.
8. Brochure and commitment for a Summer Sports Camp
9. Book of Coupons that apply to your teen and your family situation
example :
#. One free room cleaning
#. Chauffering to and from (non-driving teens)
#. Prepare Favorite Dinner Request
#. Get out of chore free card
10. A Bedroom Redo. It probably needs it. (The Spiderman or Barbie bedspread needs to go)

They're home! Enjoy this week with your family.