Just Need A New Title

Summer is over at the Wagner's. After a rather uneventful three months, (insert an audible sigh of relief here), Last Born journeyed once again up I-40 to continue his education. He and middle sister are now hopefully attending classes, continuing with part time jobs and in general enjoying the best four years of their lives. I'm delighted they have the opportunities offered them. I also miss them. I really, really miss them.

As discussed previously, this empty nest thing doesn't get easier. It just gets more familiar. My husband and I will now settle back into a calm house. The washer doesn't go every hour, leftovers last for days and days and our plans don't revolve around anyone elses. It is incredibly quiet here.

I quit teaching two years ago, eager to get back to my "old" life. I sort of forgot that when I started my teaching career , there were four Wagner children at home. As anyone reading this knows, an active family, friends, church, community, maintaining a home... do not stop because of a job. There are still Science Fairs and Stuco trips and cheerleader practices and altar guild and Church Bazaars and weddings and birthday parties and funerals. There is still laundry to do and car repairs and dental appointments and yards to mow. You don't stop going to the theatre or attending tennis tournaments or walking your block for a needy cause. Life is full when everyone is home. Life is busy and vibrant and ever-changing. It's just that you are so preoccupied with living it, you don't notice it passing by.

I am noticing it now. Who are we when our titles change? What do I write in that little space marked "occupation"? Stay at a Home Mom? No. Current career? Not at this time. Future plans? Not quite sure about them. How to still feel viable and necessary? How to still feel contributing? I don't want to watch that parade go by, I want to be somewhere marching in it.

I really thought I was ready to "be home". Now, I sort of don't think I am. This middle of your life deal is just that. The middle. Not the end. There has just got to be more waiting to happen. Can't there be new beginnings? New adventures? New things to learn. New people to meet?

I interviewed for a college recruiter job last week. I was terrified. I knew they were probably looking for someone younger and almost turned my car back around. I didn't. It was good for me. Five strangers on the interview panel. Thinking on my feet. Answering to the best of my ability. It was good for me. I thought the interview went well. My prior job experience and own personality seemed a perfect fit. It was a challenging and interesting work environment. As I left the building, I wondered which window would be my office.

The window turned out to not be a problem. I didn't get the job. But, I keep telling myself, it was good for me.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is not easy. Bridge with friends, playing with my grand babies, a quiet dinner with my husband or planning a family holiday, these are all life's pleasures. OU football games this fall, directing The Hobbit (coming in November) for Muskogee's younger actors, playing Bells at my church, also activities that I enjoy. But I already know how to do these things. It's the challenges that keep us young. It's new things. It's new ideas. It's that feeling of accomplishment that new experiences offer.

Ok Life. Seriously. Bring em' on. I'm ready.

May The Circle Remain Unbroken

This last week was a momentous one in my family. Our second grandchild and first grandson was born on Wednesday morning. I am delighted to report, Mother and baby, Father and sister, all doing fine.

The hour may have been early, the trip to Tulsa dark and cold, but just like the swallows, my clan converged on the hospital. New babies are a big event with my group and congregate we did. One brother (with sweet girl-friend in tow) drove in from Oklahoma City, and another brother and sister skipped classes and jobs in Norman for their nephew's arrival. Before the day was out, great Uncles and Aunts, cousins and family friends all cheerfully ignored the no visitors signs and met our newest family member. My daughter was delighted to show him off and commented how blessed and grateful she was to have so many special people in her life.

I have to be honest. No Hallmark card here. At 5:30 in the morning, we were a pretty motley crew. All of us were continually shushed by the patient and long-suffering staff. My boys were running down the halls giving High Fives to the religious figure of Jesus who was there to bless the penitent and hurting. I finally grabbed my 25 year old and told him if he gave Jesus five one more time, he was actually going to need a prayer and healing.

In the waiting room, I wish you could have seen the patriarch of the family, my husband, arguing with his granddaughter and other young friends over channel choices. It was no contest of course. Fox and Friends was quickly replaced by Dora the Explorer. The two-year-old sister of newest arrival decided at some point in the morning she was no longer potty trained. Enough said except that proper provisions had not been made for her hygiene choice.

That Kodak moment of seeing our baby through the glass, proudly displayed by his beaming Daddy was real enough. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. That was until the male members of the audience began commenting on physical attributes and family resemblances. There still were no dry eyes but it was because everyone was laughing so hard.

When the baby was brought back to the room, the feeding frenzy began. We likened it to who gets the drumstick at Thanksgiving. The proud parents were needless to say a little reticent to pass their 2 hour old infant around but their good manners prevailed over good sense and we all got to hold him for a minute or two. It was particularly awkward with our youngest son as he was in the middle of a week long fraternity initiation. This pledge had been wearing the same pair of socks and underwear for 7 days. His sister and brother-in-law's stipulation? Lots of hand-washing and several blankets between said sibling and his nephew.

My husband and I kept staring across the room at each other. Family. Our Family. Not perfect but perfect to us. In midlife people you love start to get a rosy aura around them. You are old enough to appreciate the miracle of it all and old enough to disregard what you need to. Just like childbirth, labor is forgotten and you only remember the joy.

You may be scratching your head at this point. What does this have to do with Mel and my column? Everything. I promise. Life just keeps getting better with your children. From toddlers to teens, appreciate the good times and when the times get bumpy, (as they will) keep your eyes on the prize- a healthy and loving relationship with your children for the rest of your life.

Joe White says that parenting wasn't designed as an experience to simply survive. We were meant to celebrate it...to succeed in it...to weep in both the hurts and the joys...and leave nothing behind to regret. No greater adventure are we offered and no greater responsibility do we accept than that of raising the next generation. Hats off to all of us who are trying so hard to do it right. And isn't that the best we can do?

My group never travels anywhere without provisions. Ever. One of our favorites passed around the hospital room were these cookies. (a specific request from my son-in-law.)

Oh-Mommy's Oatmeal Cookies

Cream together: 1/2 cup butter, 1/2 cup Crisco, with 1 cup sugar and 1 cup brown sugar

Add: 2 eggs and 1 tsp good vanilla

Sift together: 1 1/2 cup flour, 1 tsp salt, 1 tsp soda and stir into wet ingredients

Add: 2 cups golden raisins and 3 cups quick cooking oats

Bake: 350 degrees for approximately 10 minutes

Makes: Approx 6 dozen small cookies