What Kind of Parent Are you?

"...with lose-win, you may be popular in the short run because you essentially take the course of least resistance and continually let others have their way with you...It's a loss for both child and parent when the relationship is based on manipulation and popularity, rather than trust."
The 7 habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen R. Covey


I have mentioned Dr. Lashley's courses in education at Northeastern State University. He is a certified Covey trainer and bases some of his course material on the 7 Habits books. During a lecture for the Great Expectations program, he outlined the four parenting styles from optimal to disastrous. Where do you fall in the parenting style order?

1. Win-Win Authoritative Parenting - in this style parents model competency. They show their children what competent adults do and how they become that way. They don't punish when they are angry. They try to show logically why behaviors are necessary. They maintain an atmosphere is the home in which children can grow to become healthy, competent adults themselves.

2. Win-Lose Authoritarian Parenting - in this style the parents win at the expense of the child. The parents punish when angry without giving a reason beyond "I said so." Parents ignore their children's needs because they are often obsessed with their own. They make their children's decisions, rather than helping their children arrive at logical conclusions. They produce dependent children.

3. Lose-Win Parenting. In this style the parents lose because they cow-tow to their children's every whim and desire. Parents take the blame for everything their children do and never let their kids suffer any consequences for bad behavior, or they find excuses for their child. This produces hostile and immature offspring.

4. Lose-Lose. This is negligence. It knows no monetary bounds, although we commonly think of impoverished families in cases of negligence. Drug addiction, alcoholism, and mental illness can contribute to negligence, as well as just ignorance. This produces people with a shame-based identity and poor self-esteem.

Many people struggle with their upbringing throughout much of their lives. Perhaps you recognize your parents' style in the list. Maybe you recognize your own parenting style there. If you are still struggling, there is time to come to terms with the past before you transfer that behavior over to your own children. As Dr. Lashley says, parents do the best they can with what they know. It's time to get smart!

Make a deposit into your teen's emotional bank account by baking some Hershey's "Hugs". Tuxedo Brownie Hugs Cookies

1 package Hersheys Hugs, 1 package Original Supreme Brownie Mix with Hershey's Syrup Pouch, 1/4 cup Hershey's cocoa, 1/4 cup water, 1/4 cup vegetable oil, 2 eggs:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Remove wrappers from Hershey's Hugs. Grease and flour cookie sheet. Stir brownie mix, Hershey's syrup pouch, cocoa, water, oil and eggs in medium bowl until well blended. Drop by scant teaspoon fulls onto prepared cookie sheet. Bake 8 minutes or until set. Cool 1 minute. Press Hug kisses into center of each cookie. Remove to wire rack to cool.