The Care and Feeding of Teenagers

Gainful Employment

2009-06-29T09:31:00.000-07:00

Jobs for teens have been pretty hard to find this summer. Usual opportunities have been snatched up by adults who have found themselves glad for any kind of employment. Other businesses have just decided to make do and not hire part time for the summer. My daughter works for the Girl Scouts and lamented two sessions of Scout Camp were not filled. Parents are just not spending money on luxuries. This meant counselors were without their expected salaries for the summer.

Don't let summer go to waste. There are definitely constructive things that can be accomplished, even if a job has not materialized. If summer school was looking unattractive previously, it might be the best choice now. Getting ahead on credits, or expanding transcript-building attributes can be a big plus, and might be a most productive way for your teenager to spend time the rest of the summer.

Also, assess what you might be able to offer your teen. Does your house need work? Maybe doing some painting, gardening or organizing would be mutually beneficial. You could offer some kind of payment, barter or other mutually beneficial arrangement. How about neighbors and relative....might they have similar needs that your teen can meet? There are many stories of energetic teens developing highly successful businesses mowing lawns or cleaning garages.

In a recent Wall St. Journal article entitled "Cupcakes and Cattle Breeding: Teens turn to Summer Start-Ups" they report that finding a niche is a key to success. An Austin Texas 17 year old is designing and creating hand-made barrettes and selling them successfully to local boutiques. They offer other examples of teens creating web pages and selling unique baked goods, art work or dog-sitting services. Creativity may be the key to your teen's success this summer.

There is still plenty of time for your child to make this summer a productive one. Reading Lists, math tutoring, volunteering, learning to do something new and different......don't let your teen spend July and August in front of the TV just because they did not get a job. Direction and focus do not take the summer vacation off, they just redirect themselves! chrissie

Living in the Counterintuitive World

2009-06-28T17:37:00.000-07:00

If you grew up in the 60's, 70's, or even the 80's, everything you know about school runs counterintuitive to the reality of secondary education today. While for the most part teenagers don't change, even over millennia, the social millieu in which any generation lives determines much of what goes on in schools.

That, according to Mark Bauerlein, professor of English at Emory Univserity, is exactly what is wrong with students today. The social millieu in which they live has been taken over by constant text messaging and social networking to the exclusion of deep meaning in other areas of students' lives.

Bauerlein contends that even though Advanced Placement course enrollment is up and college enrollment is rising, actual student knowledge is stagnant at best, but most probably in decline. Anyone who has tried to take that graduation test from the turn of the century that floated around the Internet might suspect this is true. One might also believe him, based on his experience as a professor who has seen classes of the best and brightest come and go, and so has a yardstick by which to measure.

Bauerlein is not the first professor to question what has happened to American education. In 1963 Richard Hofstadter penned a book called Anti-Intellectualism in American Life. In 1987 Alan Bloom wrote The Closing of the American Mind. He was followed by E.D. Hirsch who claimed that we were losing our cultural literacy and so wrote several books on what every school child should know. This year Professor Bauerlein published the most scathing expose of our youth yet, entitled The Dumbest Generation. Evidently Americans can get even dumber than they were in 1963.

I can also cite one of my favorite professors at OU, J. Fears, who obtained a National Endowment for the Humanities grant to bring American history teachers up to par. Evidently freshmen in the required American history courses knew little about our country, even though they have civics in middle school and American history and government (and possibly AP Government) in high school. Dr. Fears surmised it was the teachers who were not prepared. What he discovered after several years of teaching the NEH History of Liberty Summer Institute course was that the teachers knew their history, loved it and taught it with passion to the best of their ability. Somewhere, somehow, though, the transfer of knowledge did not make it from teacher to student.

We all know that every generation thinks the succeeding generation is not quite up to snuff. I suspect that what is at play here is that yes, for whatever reason - rap music, the self-esteem movement, desegregation, free love, or helicopter parents - students are not as well educated as in the past. But another factor is that in all our affluence and technology, we expect better kids and can't understand why they aren't smarter given all the money spent on education, feel good programs, and, of course, technology. It could be the answer has more to do with human nature than with our belabored schools and shallow teenagers.

What Do I Say, Teach or Learn?

2009-06-22T10:16:00.000-07:00

Have you recently had a situation with your own teen that you weren't sure how to handle? It's a rare parent who has all the answers. Heck. I’d worry if I did have all the answers. Parents face many situations where the answer isn't cut and dried. How do you know if you should say yes or no to your young teen's request to go to the movie with friends? Or in a car with a young driver? Or to a party or to a with people you don’t know?

On Sue Blaney's "Stop the Rollercoaster" website, she offers a tool to help. She advises, "What do I need to teach, say or learn?"

Using our three examples from above:
1. You are trying to decide if your young teen will receive your permission to go to the movie at the mall with friends. Ask yourself: "What do I need to teach?"
Have you taught her what to do in an emergency? How to find help at the mall? What to do if somebody does or says something that makes her feel uncomfortable or unsafe? Review with her the skills she may need; be sure you have updated them and they are age appropriate for situations that change as she grows.

2. Are you going to allow your son to go out in a car with a teen driver? Here you might ask yourself: "What do I need to say?"
Go ahead… Even if you’ve stated your rules before, you can say them again...you want your voice in his precious little head! Under what circumstances is he allowed in cars with friends? If this hasn't been stated, this is an important topic to discuss. State the consequences if he breaks this rules. (As an aside, this is a rule that is too often broken and sometimes with devastating consequences, so be clear on your rules about riding in cars.)

3. Will you allow her to go to a party with people you don't know? In this case you might ask yourself: "What do I need to learn? "
You need to be in information-gathering mode to offer the right answer in this situation. Do you have all the facts? Where will the party be? Will there be supervision? How many people are expected to attend? How late will it go? How is she getting home? If your teen doesn't have answers that satisfy you don't be shy to make some calls yourself...which may be a smarter way to go anyway. Identify the information you need to ensure her safety and don't let her go until you've learned what you need to know.

"What do I need to teach, say or learn?" can guide a parent through many situations. It seems a simple and helpful tool to eliminate a few of those gray areas we all seem to encounter with out kids. chrissie

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

2009-06-15T14:06:00.000-07:00

Most teens need about 8 1/2 to more than 9 hours of sleep each night. The right amount of sleep is essential for anyone who wants to do well on a test or play sports without tripping over their feet. Unfortunately, though, many teens don't get enough sleep.

Why Aren't Teens Getting Enough Sleep?

Until recently, teens were often given a bad rap for staying up late, oversleeping for school, and falling asleep in class. But recent studies show that adolescent sleep patterns actually differ from those of adults or kids.

These studies show that during the teen years, the body's circadian rhythm (sort of like an internal biological clock) is temporarily reset, telling a person to fall asleep later and wake up later. This change in the circadian rhythm seems to be due to the fact that the brain hormone melatonin. Here is the interesting part. is produced later at night for teens than it is for kids and adults. This can make it harder for teens to fall asleep early.

These changes in the body's circadian rhythm coincide with a time when we're busier than ever. For most teens, the pressure to do well in school is more intense than when they were kids, and it's harder to get by without studying hard. And teens also have other time demands -everything from sports and other extracurricular activities to fitting in a part-time job to save money for college.

Early start times in some schools may also play a role in this sleep deficit. Teens who fall asleep after midnight may still have to get up early for school, meaning that they may only squeeze in 6 or 7 hours of sleep a night. A couple hours of missed sleep a night may not seem like a big deal, but can create a noticeable sleep deficit over time.

How Do You Know if Your Teen is Getting Enough Sleep ?

How Can I Get More Sleep?

Recently, some researchers, parents, and teachers have suggested that middle- and high-school classes begin later in the morning to accommodate teens' need for more sleep. Some schools have already implemented later start times. You and your friends, parents, and teachers can lobby for later start times at your school, but in the meantime you'll have to make your own adjustments.

Here are some things that may help you to sleep better:

Set a regular bedtime. Going to bed at the same time each night signals to your body that it's time to sleep. Waking up at the same time every day can also help establish sleep patterns. So try to stick as closely as you can to your sleep schedule even on weekends. Don't go to sleep more than an hour later or wake up more than 2 to 3 hours later than you do during the week.
Exercise regularly. Try not to exercise right before bed, though, as it can rev you up and make it harder to fall asleep. Finish exercising at least three hours before bedtime. Many sleep experts believe that exercising in late afternoon may actually help a person sleep.
Avoid stimulants. Don't drink beverages with caffeine, such as soda and coffee, after 4 PM. Nicotine is also a stimulant, so quitting smoking may help you sleep better. And drinking alcohol in the evening can also cause a person to be restless and wake up during the night.
Relax your mind. Avoid violent, scary, or action movies or television shows right before bed — anything that might set your mind and heart racing. Reading books with involved or active plots may also keep you from falling or staying asleep.
Unwind by keeping the lights low. Light signals the brain that it's time to wake up. Staying away from bright lights (including computer screens!), as well as meditating or listening to soothing music, can help your body relax. Try to avoid TV, computer and telephone at least one hour before you go to bed.
Don't nap too much. Naps of more than 30 minutes during the day may keep you from falling asleep later.
Avoid all-nighters. Don't wait until the night before a big test to study. Cutting back on sleep the night before a test may mean you perform worse than you would if you'd studied less but got more sleep.
Create the right sleeping environment. Studies show that people sleep best in a dark room that is slightly on the cool side. Close your blinds or curtains (and make sure they're heavy enough to block out light) and turn down the thermostat in your room (pile on extra blankets or wear PJs if you're cold). Lots of noise can be a sleep turnoff, too.
Wake up with bright light. Bright light in the morning signals to your body that it's time to get going.

If you're drowsy, it's hard to look and feel your best. Schedule "sleep" as an item on your agenda to help you stay creative and healthy.

Reviewed by: Mary L. Gavin, MD
Date reviewed: May 2009
Originally reviewed by: Mena T. Scavina, DO

Back

Even if they think they're getting enough sleep, they may not be. Here are some of the signs that your teen may need more sleep.

1. difficulty waking up in the morning (Is this easy with any teen?)

2. inability to concentrate

3. falling asleep during classes

4. feelings of moodiness and even depression

Here are some tips from the experts to help your teen develop better sleep habits.

Set a regular bedtime

Avoid stimulants. (Nix the Red Bull or Mountain Dew)

Relax your mind.

Unwind by keeping the lights low.

Don't nap too much.

Avoid all-nighters.

Create the right sleeping environment.

Wake up with bright light.

Remind you teenm "If you're drowsy, it's hard to look and feel your best. Schedule sleep as an item on your agenda to help you stay creative, active and healthy." chrissie

How Can I Get More Sleep?

Here are some things that may help you to sleep better:

Set a regular bedtime. Going to bed at the same time each night signals to your body that it's time to sleep. Waking up at the same time every day can also help establish sleep patterns. So try to stick as closely as you can to your sleep schedule even on weekends. Don't go to sleep more than an hour later or wake up more than 2 to 3 hours later than you do during the week.
Exercise regularly. Try not to exercise right before bed, though, as it can rev you up and make it harder to fall asleep. Finish exercising at least three hours before bedtime. Many sleep experts believe that exercising in late afternoon may actually help a person sleep.
Avoid stimulants. Don't drink beverages with caffeine, such as soda and coffee, after 4 PM. Nicotine is also a stimulant, so quitting smoking may help you sleep better. And drinking alcohol in the evening can also cause a person to be restless and wake up during the night.
Relax your mind. Avoid violent, scary, or action movies or television shows right before bed — anything that might set your mind and heart racing. Reading books with involved or active plots may also keep you from falling or staying asleep.
Unwind by keeping the lights low. Light signals the brain that it's time to wake up. Staying away from bright lights (including computer screens!), as well as meditating or listening to soothing music, can help your body relax. Try to avoid TV, computer and telephone at least one hour before you go to bed.
Don't nap too much. Naps of more than 30 minutes during the day may keep you from falling asleep later.
Avoid all-nighters. Don't wait until the night before a big test to study. Cutting back on sleep the night before a test may mean you perform worse than you would if you'd studied less but got more sleep.
Create the right sleeping environment. Studies show that people sleep best in a dark room that is slightly on the cool side. Close your blinds or curtains (and make sure they're heavy enough to block out light) and turn down the thermostat in your room (pile on extra blankets or wear PJs if you're cold). Lots of noise can be a sleep turnoff, too.
Wake up with bright light. Bright light in the morning signals to your body that it's time to get going.

If you're drowsy, it's hard to look and feel your best. Schedule "sleep" as an item on your agenda to help you stay creative and healthy.

Reviewed by: Mary L. Gavin, MD
Date reviewed: May 2009
Originally reviewed by: Mena T. Scavina, DO

Back

Those Were the Days

2009-06-08T13:40:00.000-07:00

Thought this was great as we approach Father's Day. if you share it with your children, don't forget to add you walked 2 miles to school, in the snow, without a coat........

TO ALL THE KIDS
WHO SURVIVED THE
1930's, 40's, 50's,
60's and 70's!!

First, we survived being born to
mothers who smoked and/or
drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese
dressing, tuna from a can and
didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were
put to sleep on our tummies in
baby cribs covered with bright
colored lead-base paints.

We had no childproof lids on
medicine bottles, locks on doors
or cabinets and when we rode our
bikes, we had baseball caps not
helmets on our heads.

As infants & children, we would
ride in cars with no car seats,
no booster seats, no seat belts,
no air bags, bald tires and
sometimes no brakes.

Riding in the back of a pickup
truck on a warm day was
always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden
hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four
friends, from one bottle and no
one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread,
real butter and bacon. We drank
Kool-Aid made with real white
sugar. And, we weren't
overweight. WHY?

Because we were always outside
playing...that's why!

We would leave home in the
morning and play all day,
as long as we were back
when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach
us all day. And, we were O.K.

We would spend hours building
our go-carts out of scraps and
then ride them down the hill,
only to find out we forgot
the brakes. After running into
the bushes a few times,
we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations,
Nintendo's and X-boxes. There
were no video games, no 150
channels on cable, no video
movies or DVD's, no
surround-sound or CD's, no cell
phones, no personal computers,
no Internet and no chat rooms..
WE HAD FRIENDS and we
went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut,
broke bones and teeth and
there were no lawsuits
from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies
made from dirt, and the worms
did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our
10th birthdays, made up games
with sticks and tennis balls and,
although we were told it would
happen, we did not put out
very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to
a friend's house and knocked on the
door or rang the bell, or just
walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not
everyone made the team. Those
who didn't had to learn to deal
with disappointment.
Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us
out if we broke the law was
unheard of. They actually
sided with the law!

These generations have
produced some of the best risk-takers,
problem solvers and inventors ever.

The past 50 years have been an
explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success
and responsibility, and we learned
how to deal with it all.
If YOU are one of them?
CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this
with others who have had the
luck to grow up as kids,
before the lawyers and the
government regulated so much
of our lives for our own good.

While you are at it, forward it
to your kids so they will know
how brave and lucky their
parents were.

Here's a great salad for June Watermelons.

>Slice melon in small chunks-seed (About 3 cups chunks)
Julienne enough basil to have about 1/8 cup Basil leaves (can substitute with mint)
Toss together with 1 pkg regular Feta Cheese
Drizzle all with a good Balsamic vinegar
Chill and serve cold.

It does sound kind of unusual but it is delicious!!!
Enjoy. chrissie

The Care and Feeding of Teeangers

2009-05-30T21:30:00.000-07:00

No matter how old our children get, one thing we will always do is feed them. Food is a central focus of family gatherings and even teenagers appreciate a good meal.

Recently Reuter's carried a story about Swedish research showing that boys aged 15 who ate fish regularly gained marked improvement in cognitive skills. (Follow this link for the full story http://www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSTRE52F4XH20090316 ) Anyone who has ever had a 15-year-old male living in their house knows this is a great discovery. The fatty fishes, such as salmon, have the most beneficial effect. The good news is that it is good for all of us.

So, instead of grabbing a carry-out hamburger or pizza, why not try some salmon instead. Getting the kids to eat it should be easy enough, as it is very palatable, especially with great seasonings. Here are a few recipes to try out on the males in your family from 15 to 50:

Salmon Pate
1 small onion, quartered
1 15 1/2 oz. can salmon, drained with skin and boned removed
1 8 oz. package fat free cream cheese, room temperature
2 or 3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 heaping tablespoon horseradish
2 teaspoons dried dill
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon liquid smoke
dash of Tobasco
salt and pepper
Pulse onion in food processor. Add all the other ingredients and pulse until smooth. Serve with wheat crackers.

Italian Pasta Salmon Salad
1/3 cup olive oil
3 tablespoons white wine vinegar
1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon basil, crushed
1/4 teaspoon dry mustard
Dash of pepper
1 cup cooked small shell macaroni
4 radishes, sliced (leave out if your kids hate radishes)
1/2 green pepper cut into 1/2 inch squares
2 green onions, thinly sliced
1/4 cup shredded carrot
1 can 6 1/2 oz. pink salmon, drained
8 cherry tomatoes, halved
In a small bowl combine oil, vinegar, garlic, basil, mustard, and pepper. Cover and refrigerate one hour. In a large bowl toss macaroni, radishes, green pepper, green onions, and carrot. Just before serving pour dressing over pasta and vegetables; toss. Add salmon and cherry tomatoes and toss gently.

Grilled Salmon
4 salmon fillets
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup margarine
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons sherry
Make a marinade with the brown sugar, margarine, soy sauce and sherry. Pour over fillets and chill for 20 minutes. Meanwhile, prepare coals to medium heat. Spray grill with non-stick cooking spray. Grill salmon for 4 to 5 minutes. Turn and pour remaining marinade over fish; continue grilling another 3 to 5 minutes until slamon flakes and is light pink in color, or until desired consistency and cooked through.

If all else fails, try the salmon burgers from Whole Foods on whole wheat buns. They're great!

You've Got A Friend

2009-05-17T12:49:00.000-07:00

What do you share with your kids? Hobbies, like fishing or Nascar? Sports, like baseball, soccer or golf? Are you both passionate about a college team, classic films or dirt biking? Whatever you share with your children now will be something that always connects you. It will be something that reminds them of family and growing up. These shared experiences will result in those warm fuzzies and reassurances we all need at different times in our lives.

I rocked my babies to show tunes, college songs and James Taylor. Sweet Baby James, Fire and Rain, Shower the People, You've Got A Friend-could there be anything better than J.T.? His music evokes that time in my life when all things were possible and the world was at my feet. I love my husband, Warren, but James had my heart first.

Both my girls learned to love James by osmosis. We call each other when he is on television. We turn the radio up when he is singing. We alert each other with his newest album. All three of us know every word to every song James has ever written.

I surprised the girls with tickets to see Sweet Baby James last weekend in Dallas. Neither had seen him in concert before. (Make this my fourth time). We made it a girl trip and had a ball. We shopped, we ate, we drank a little wine, but what we really did was share something that was special in our lives together. The music that evokes happy times and shared passions.

Our special might not be your special, but seize any opportunity to continue what you did together- what you still do together. Don't let moments that can create memories and life moments get away. Those moments are precious. Cultivate and create them for you and those you love.

(Our family is going to a dear friend's wedding in the fall. It happens to be in Nantucket. The ferry goes across to Martha's Vineyard, home of James Taylor. If you see I have been arrested in September as a stalker, know I just knew my invitation for a visit had probably been lost in the the mail.) chrissie

I'd Walk A Million Miles For One of Her Smiles

2009-05-12T09:55:00.000-07:00

I hope this finds all Mothers' with a smile on their face after Sunday. Whether is was breakfast in bed with burned toast and smiling faces, plaster hand prints that will be pulled out in years to come (and bring tears every time), or a Hallmark card expressing sentiments you didn't imagine your teen would convey, Mother's Day is always a special time.

My youngest sent flowers. Tom is in the middle of finals and couldn't come home this weekend. But, he actually picked up his phone and called our local florist and ordered an arrangement. Be still my heart. I cried. Ward, out of the state on business, sent a rose bush, a card that said things every Mother wants to hear from her grown son and called Sunday. I cried. Annie, Greg and the Grandest of Babies met us at CaneBrake for lunch. Annie walked in first with her sister, Catherine, who drove from OKC, for Mother's Day Brunch. I cried. Warren remembered the day with a beautiful gift, thanking me for being the Mother of his children. I....well you know what I did.

I am not a crier. Never was. Sorta am now. I think as I've aged, as time has passed, the moments that make life worth living are more noticed, more appreciated. It is all whizzing by so quickly, I don't want to miss the good stuff. And as I try to live intentionally, I am more aware of life's blessings. Thereby the water works.

A friend sent the following and it is not only clever, it is true. Enjoy.

Motherhood is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother.......

4 YEARS OF AGE -My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE -My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE -Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.

16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She doesn't have a clue.

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? Don't even ask.

25 YEARS OF AGE -Well, she might know a little bit about it.

35 YEARS OF AGE -Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mother.

Oh, how I wish i could! chrissie

Drugged

2009-05-05T08:19:00.000-07:00

Ally, a young woman very special in our family, (particularly one family member), sent me this last week. It has been circulating on the Internet. The unknown author has an interesting view regarding the drug problem in America today. I don't particularly agree with the woodpile part but expectations, consequences and responsibility are all important in raising a child to be a confident and contributing adult. It seems many parents have forgotten that. Read below and see what you think.

The other day, someone in a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county. He asked me the rhetorical question, "Why didn 't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?"

I replied, "I had a drug problem when I was growing up. I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather."

"I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie ,brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was required of me."

"I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity. I was drug out to Mom's garden to pull weeds from her flower beds and cockleburs out of Dad's fields.I was drug to the home of family, friends and neighbors to help out someone who needed help to mow the lawn, repair a clothesline or chop some firewood and if my Mother knew I had taken a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed."

"Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in every thing I think, do, or say. They are stronger than cocaine, crack or heroin; and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place."

God Bless the parents who drug us.

Have a good week and drag your kiddo somewhere they need to go! chrissie

Tobacco Free Teens

2009-05-04T17:44:00.000-07:00

Tobacco free teens start with tobacco free education. The Health Department recently sent out the following information about an anti-tobacco bill sponsored by Sen. Ted Kennedy. Here is the body of their message asking for help:

We've just learned that Senator Edward Kennedy plans to reintroduce the FDA regulation of tobacco bill in the Senate THIS WEEK. We need your assistance in generating as many calls as possible into your Senators' offices asking them to cosponsor this lifesaving legislation. We expect Senator Kennedy's Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) Committee to debate the legislation in the coming weeks and for the full Senate to consider the legislation soon thereafter. Last year, the legislation had more than 60 cosponsors and we will need to get those Senators back on as cosponsors, as well as add additional new cosponsors this year.

It is important that your Senators hear from you as soon as possible! You can reach your Senator by clicking here <http://action.tobaccofreekids.org/site/R?i=kpP4BFvw_iivI8J29hkzCQ..>. All you need is your phone...clicking the link will take you to your Senator's phone number, talking points for your call, and a brief form so you can let us know how the call went. The call will take no longer than 2 to 3 minutes. The message is: COSPONSOR the Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act, which provides for effective FDA regulation of tobacco products. Click here to call today<http://action.tobaccofreekids.org/site/R?i=paFN_AOMev4T9Ph1lMdNLQ..>.

We might think the tobacco battle is over, but just yesterday I saw an ad in this month's Vogue showing a beautiful young woman holding a cigarette with the caption, "Life is Rich." I was kind of taken aback - back to 1985 when certain ads showed lithe young women who had "come a long way, baby," and my mother passed away from lung cancer. Not everyone who smokes will get lung cancer - some will get asthma, heart disease, or emphysema. But, why risk it at all with your child's life? Tobacco free is the only option.
-------Melony

It's My Party

2009-04-27T14:47:00.001-07:00

Prom. I can't believe it is time again. The kids at MHS always got into such a frenzy and usually set themselves us to be disappointed. Nothing can meet the expectations when a school cafeteria and crepe paper is involved.

If there was anything I tried to get my students to do was, #1. Not spend more than they could afford and #2. Be wise with plans and choices.

Dinner together is what's fun. It really doesn't matter where. Some groups had a blast with dinner at someone's house. Willing parents set table, offered a simple menu like Lasagna and Caesar Salad, lit the candles and cleared out so the couples be together. Driving to Tulsa is difficult because travel time and dinner gets the prom arrival after 10:00. Book reservations locally. HINT: A pre-arranged menu will speed things along. Ask any restaurant in town. There is nothing worse than 16 formally dressed teens ordering everything different from a menu. It is a guaranteed "slow" service dinner.

I was always horrified to see kids drive up in limo's. I knew what the rental was and I knew the beaming passengers had often worked at a minimum wage job for months to pay for the ride. Encourage your kids to save their money for more important things. (like college funds and car payments). The same goes for extravagant dresses and expensive tuxes. A pair of good khakis and a blazer that can be worn for other occasions is better than a one night rental. There are so many cute dresses at reasonable prices now+ resale and consignment shops are a fun way to "dig around and see what you can find."

Mel and I cannot emphasize enough about the drinking deal. Really talk about the dangers and the legality of this choice. I know we don't even have to mention, NEVER be an adult hosting an after -prom party that involves alcohol. Parents have been arrested for allowing underage drinking. Offer a fun alternative with other couples. A pool party and dancing on the patio. Movies and breakfast with all the trimmings. A Dessert Buffet with a Coffee Bar. Rent the Bowling Alley or Skating Rink. Organize an All-Night Event at a church Rec Center. Communicate with your child and see what sounds fun. They may scream "NO" and that it all seem corny but perhaps "one of these or nothing at all" makes a safe and controlled option more palpable. Get a "posse" of parents to agree to agree on choices.

No one wants to regrets the "Morning After". Help your prom-goer make memories. Safe and reasonable memories. Photographs of beaming young men and radiant young women are the goal here. They will never be so young, innocent and so expectant again. chrissie

Prom Issues

2009-04-25T14:08:00.000-07:00

It's Prom season and girls everywhere are struggling to find the right thing to wear. A girl in Indiana took her right to wear a tux to the Prom to the School Board there. They had evidently banned her from wearing pants (in the form of a tuxedo) to the Prom in an attempt to curtail her civil rights. The ACLU tackled that one.

I found a Christian Teen Girls Blog that suggests finding a cute dress with some kind of decency standards in mind. http://teengirls.agblogger.org/2009/03/11/what-to-wear-wednesday-2-prom/ At the risk of sounding like Andy Rooney, I think a Prom dress can be cute and still have standards, too.

Our Mayor started a Prom dress and tux recycling program when he was the STUCO president at Muskogee High School. Girls could come and "shop" the store. It is a great idea and this year's Prom sponsor at MHS, Krista Tillotson, is asking for donations. Muskogee High School's Jr. - Sr. Prom is May 9th. To donate, call MHS and speak to Mrs. Tillotson.

One Prom issue that always has parents on edge is drinking at after parties. Anti-drinking campaigns, such as the one sponsored by Project CLEAR, have done a really good job of educating students about the perils of drinking and driving. Many communities sponsor an all night after party at a church or in the school gym to give teens something to do in a controlled environment. Parents could do the same at their home, if they feel comfortable with their child's friends and can stay up all night monitoring the situation!

There are always issues surrounding Prom, from what to wear, to where to eat, to who to go with to the big event. But, Prom is one of the last great American high school experiences remaining. Encourage your child to go and have fun. Be sure to take lots of pictures!

It's For You

2009-04-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

Think about it. Our teens are part of the first generation to live from cradle to grave in a primarily digital world. Our children are fundamentally different than us, their parents. In Born Digitally, authors Palfrey and Gasser note:

"These kids are different. They study, work, write and interact with each other in ways that are very different from the ways that you did growing up…They often meet each other online before they meet in person. They probably don't even know what a library card looks like, much less have one...they get their music online --often for free, illegal...they're more likely to send an instant message (IM) than to pick up the telephone to arrange a date later in the afterno...Major aspects of their lives - social interactions, friendships, civic activities -are mediated by digital technologies. And they've never known any other way of life."

Yes. We are shaking our head "Yes!" But these new digital communications methods are not inherently bad….they are just different. And there is a lot in this digital world that we cannot change. But our teenagers are still kids and they need our guidance and teaching. That doesn't change. So Sue Blaney, author of "Please Stop the Rollercoaster" gives us some tools and links to help figure out what this aspect of parental guidance should look like.

Sue offers- "There is some truly helpful insight from a parenting expert, Lynne Reeves Griffin, author of Negotiation Generation: Take Back Your Parental Authority Without Punishment, which should be "must reading" for every parent. Lynne makes everything sound not only logical and reasonable, but also possible."

Parents are teachers Would you hand the keys to the car to your teenager the day she was old enough to drive? Of course not. Not until she received training for this important responsibility. And that's the key... the training. Believe it or not, this relates to kids and phones and other tech devices they are using that are making parents crazy.... How would your teen know how to behave with these items unless she/he has been taught ? And, the chances are good you haven’t taught your teen appropriate behavior around cell phones (and Facebook etc.) because you haven't faced this before. You didn't know this was going to grow into a problem, and like many parents of "digital natives" this became a problem before you knew what you were dealing with. You are forgiven...now let's talk about what to do. Let's ground your behavior in positive, proactive thinking and techniques.

Begin again if necessary If you're caught in a situation where your teens are misusing this privilege, Lynn suggests you start over. Think through the appropriate use of cell phones in your family. Then sit your teens down and tell them you are sorry if you weren't clear on the rules when you gave them the phone. You made a mistake because you didn't foresee what was going to happen, and now you're going to fix that. Then teach them appropriate behavior. Tell them what is acceptable and what isn't. It's perfectly appropriate to have rules around texting and cell phone use but here's what's important....the rules are to help your teen learn proper behavior…not to control him or her. There is a big difference here in the way you characterize your rules. And this new proactive approach means that you will be going out of your way to help your teen be successful in living up to the rules. You will need to predict problems and issues and think things through in advance. You have a critical role to play, and when you are good at this you will see phone problems shrink accordingly.

Manners: What do you want to teach your kids about manners? Manners apply to using a cell phone too. Teach your kids to distinguish between what is polite behavior and what is rude.

Financial parameters: Does your teen help pay for the cell phone? Consider having your teen contribute financially, or at least show your teen the bill and connect that to chores and responsibilities. Your teen may have no idea what it costs to have this privilege. Make this concrete.

Down time/ unplugged time: If your teen is spending more time than you deem healthy in front of computer and phone screens then apply some parameters. Of course parents should provide guidance in this area. And keep in mind that growing up digital does give them a different perspective on activities. Consider your teen's preferences, needs and temperament; brainstorm together about how she/he can best enjoy needed downtime.

Where and when: Most teenagers need guidance in maintaining good homework habits. Consider that you are doing your child a favor by taking the phone away during homework time. We all have to learn to discipline ourselv...even adults have learned the hard way to remember to turn off our cell phones at certain times. Don't assume your teen knows this; teach your teen the difference between appropriate and inappropriate use. Be willing to be the bad guy if necessary. Some teens actually do thank parents for making tough decisions for them.

Appropriate use: Do you teach your teens how to treat other people? Of course you do; you have taught them since they were little not to tolerate bullying. Teach them that these same parameters apply in cell phone use. Do you talk about appropriate sexual behavior? Reference the recent news stories about the growing problem of sending sexually explicit photos over cell phones. Let them know that in numerous cases kids with naughty pictures on their phones are being charged with child pornography…this can have very serious consequences.

Safety: The cell phone is a wonderful tool for safety and staying connected, but think through safe use. If you don’t want your teen texting while driving, then don’t text him when he’s in the car. Discuss how he will handle texts that come in while he is driving. Do you feel that it’s safe for him to talk on the phone while driving? Discuss and teach safe behavior.

Set expectations: If you are using the phone to stay connected with your teen then discuss your expectations. Do you expect your teen to answer it immediately whenever you call? What if she is driving or in a place where she can't answer it? Decide and discuss together how you want her to manage various situations. Try to understand her point of view. By being clear in your expectations and engaging her in problem solving you will demonstrate that this is a tool that deserves her respect too.

Teens can't be relied on to make good judgment calls. It is perfectly natural for your teenagers to want to stay connected to their peers. While this is developmentally appropriate, they need your guidance and help. Many will have a natural tendency to over-use their phones, and left to their own devices some will want to stay connected 24 hours a day. Just as you don't allow them to go to extremes in other areas, teach them what reasonable use and behavior looks like. Teach them balance. Talk about this reasonably; don't make it a power struggle. Consider yourself your teen's teacher and guide, and realize that this is new digital world is changing and developing organically so you are learning as you go.

Note: If you apply rules - particularly if they are new rules - expect your teens to complain. They will and that's part of their job. Your job is to teach them, keep them safe, and guide them. chrissie

Mr. Fix It

2009-04-14T10:45:00.000-07:00

As anyone who reads us regularly knows, I am in the middle of a remodel. Having real people who earn a living with tools has been a luxury for me. Having real people who start and finish a certain task, all in a reasonable amount of time, has been a gift. I am getting spoiled. It's like rubbing a lamp and a genie comes out, "You're wish is my command." Of course, these genies charge by the hour. I love getting everything done but it makes me appreciate having a handy husband and handy children.

Warren truly can fix almost anything. He has shared that with our boys. Catherine is also very handy. (Annie and I are more "crafty" but that can come in handy too. We are dynamite with a glue gun). I cannot imagine the money we have saved over the years- plumbing, car repairs, electrical, carpentry. Ward was popular at the lake because he could fix anything with a motor. Tom knows how to change anything fluidy in his car and can identify rattles and ka-thumps. Cath built my closet shelves and put together an armoire, with directions and a screwdriver. Wag never met a disposal he couldn't un-stop. The Wagner's definitely learned at their Father's knee. (Son-in-law Greg is very handy too-he designed, built and planted all the landscaping in their front yard).

It is a life skill to be self-sufficient. It is empowering to know how to take care of things. There is a financial benefit of course, but there is also a confidence that comes with being in control of a situation. You are not at anyone else's mercy.

Can your teens change a tire? Bake a cake? Mow the lawn and keep the mower running? Have they cleared brush, disposed of a mouse trap, flipped a circuit breaker or painted a room? Have they fixed a leaky faucet or built a shed? If not, maybe it's time to learn. Perhaps the task will convince them they want to make enough money to pay people to do it when they are grown. Perhaps the project will ignite a passion for architecture, or engineering or landscape design. Perhaps it will be time and talent shared with your child that would not have happened without the shared solution. Perhaps your child will gain knowledge and confidence in him or herself and that is the best outcome of all!

Summer Will Be Here Before We Know It

2009-04-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

Although it still seems cold outside, summer will be here before we know it and the kids will be looking for something to do.

The Oklahoma Regents for Higher Education offer excellent summer camps as one way to fill the hours with meaningful activity. These camps fill up fast because they are excellent. At the university camps the only thing needed is the transportation to get there and Muskogee Public Schools can even find a way for eager students to get to the science or math camp of their choice and back.

Camps and activities cover such things as speech, drama and debate, science and math, or art and music.
General information about camps can be found here:
http://www.okhighered.org/student-center/fun-center/summer-ed-opps-students.shtml

For information about the math camp, click here (it says the dates are May 24 - 29, the last week of school in Muskogee):
http://www.nwosu.edu/math-academy

For information about OCU's music camp for talented students, click here:
http://www.okcu.edu/music/academy/summerprg.aspx

For OU's Sooner Flight Academy, click here (not free):
http://flightcamp.ou.edu/summer.html

For a variety of camps from band to Native American basketball, click here:
http://www.swosu.edu/resources/summer-camps.asp

All the information about summer camps can be found at the first link to the Oklahoma Regents for Higher Education website. Check out the wonderful opportunities available to expand your child's way of thinking about the world and his place in it or just to have fun and learn some cool stuff. Summer will be here before you know it!

When I Was a Kid........

2009-04-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

Take a few moments to think about your relationship with your teen, and your life way back in the dark ages when you were a child. Then answer the following questions. The trick is to not remember how you wanted it to be, but how it was. Good or bad, nurturing or caustic, hovering or aloof, happy or sad- really recall your childhood and your relationship with your parents.

1. What parenting styles did you experience as a child?
2. How did your parents teach you to be well behaved?
3. How did your parents discipline you?
4. How did they teach and correct you?
5. How did they encourage your independence?

Now:

List three things your parents did that were positive and influenced and encouraged you.

List three things your parents did that you will never, ever do to your children:

Next, think about your own parenting.

How often do you criticize your teen? Reversely, do you provide specific, positive feedback. In what ways do you show your pride and enthusiasm? In what ways are you instilling your values, and your ethics? Do you "rescue" your kids from difficult situations, let them work things our on their own, or help them with their problem-solving? Are you angry and emotional before you talk to your kids when they've done something wrong? Note a time when a talk with your teen felt more like a confrontation.

Unless we consciously make other choices, we tend to slide into the same parenting styles as our parents. In this column we have talked so much about children learning what they live. As children, we did too.

By looking at your answers to these sets of questions, you can begin to think about the parenting style that helped shape you, and how you parent now. You can begin to make decisions about adjusting your style. Self-knowledge is the secret to taking the good stuff and discarding what is not so good. My husband has a slogan that infuriates me when I am ranting about something I can't fix, change or influence. "How's that working for you?" The that means I probably need to realize my approach is #1. ineffective, #2. not getting the desired results, #3. probably needs a step back and a reassessment.

So, if something is not working between your teen and you, start evaluating your approach and your own growing up. Break the negative patterns and add positive new ones. You probably don't need an analyst's couch and Freud, but a little trip down memory lane might help avert "issues" in the future. Now,......about those dreams ...... chrissie

The Family That Plays Together

2009-04-04T21:57:00.000-07:00

I've written several times about the power of music to bring families together and to inspire creativity and discipline in young people. This afternoon at the square in front of the Civic Center in Muskogee an example of that power was evident.

Today marked the first in a series of bluegrass concerts to be held monthly through June. The first band, Rockin' Acoustic Circus out of Tulsa, was composed of music teacher, Rick Morton, and his students, all teenagers. Teenagers playing blugrass music. (Actually, children have always been admitted to the inner circle of family-friendly bluegrass music, it is just rather rare to find them playing it in this day-and-age.)

But, these weren't just teenagers playing bluegrass music - these were marvelously talented young people who have dedicated their lives to an art. They are versatile and can play classical, as well as Celtic, pop, and country, in addition to bluegrass. Some started out playing in the orchestra, most at around age of ten or twelve. Without a doubt, music has changed their lives.

If you want to know more about this group, here is their website:

http://www.rockinacousticcircus.com/

Also playing today was Muskogee's own Spring Street. An exceptional young man, Halston Williams, plays the fiddle in this band, along with his dad, Mike, on banjo. Halston is an example of the wonderful teenagers who will lead Muskogee into the 21st century. Here is the link to their MySpace, if you want to know more about them:

http://www.myspace.com/springstreetbluegrass

Music is important to the development of the total person. It is a lifelong skill linked to greater success in math, increased self esteem, and self-discipline, as evidenced by the exceptional young people I saw today. Sharing it with your children, whether at a concert or performing together, can stregthen the bonds between you, especially through the teen years.

Taking EOI's Seriously

2009-04-04T06:19:00.001-07:00

It's that time of year again - EOI testing in Oklahoma. Starting this year, high stakes testing is ratcheting up the consequences of not passing the exams. This year's freshmen must pass a certain number of tests, starting with Algebra I, to get a real diploma. Those who do not pass the required tests will receive a Certificate of Attendance, stating to future employers that they merely occupied a seat while in high school.

Education is important - getting a good education is always the right thing to do, regardless of race, creed, or gender. Having a minimal education with certain standards and common knowledge forms a cohesion in our way of life. It can and should be expected from everyone. The tests form a minimal expectation and only average is required to pass. Can't we, shouldn't we, expect at least a 'C' from our children?

The final weeks of review are here. Please stress to your children how important passing the tests can be to their future success. They will be competing for jobs and college placement with graduates holding a real diploma in an ever-diminishing job market. Why not help your children get the best chance possible at obtaining a secure future by encouraging them to try their hardest in school.

Testing reminders:
Get enough rest.
Eat breakfast.
Do practice questions with your child.
Reward positive behavior.
Don't stress out or make your child stress out.
Have fun after the testing day is over.

Good luck! And don't panic - if your child does not pass the test the first time, it can be retaken. Taking the test seriously - taking school seriously - and encouraging your child to pass the test(s) the first time is the best bet.

Movin' On Up

2009-03-31T09:17:00.000-07:00

Life never stays the same. That's a good thing. Evolving, growing, maturing-choices, changes, challenges. Sometimes we're pulled kicking and screaming, sometimes we joyously jump head first. And of course there are those times we would rather hide under the bed than accept what is coming, what is inevitable.

Isn't there a bumper sticker that says something like, Life Happens.

Those of us who have been a while know that. It's all in our own acceptance and attitude that make what life deals us, our life as we know it.

Life as I know it is definitely changing as we speak. After 29 years, my husband and I agreed that mid-life would find us in the family home we built and raised our family in. Down-sizing was not an option with 4 children and hopefully many grandchildren some day. We agreed the home they grew up in was the home we wanted them to return to with their own families. The tree houses, the tadpoles, the 4-wheeler trails, the horse pasture (oh no, please no), the playhouse and the rope swings will all be here for the next generation of Wagners.

But...if we were staying, there was a little updating to do. A wall out here and there, a downstairs bedroom for aging knees, a better flow, a better plan.

Little updating. Is there such a thing? They are down to the studs. There is nothing left of my downstairs. It is piled in a dumpster, forsaken and discarded. I can't look as I walk by.

I love my house. I take offense at my children's comments about my counter tops. I take umbrage with my oven, baker of hundreds of birthday cakes, piled in a trash bin. My heart breaks to see the dismantled light fixture I saved grocery money to buy so many years ago. Simpich angels were hung from it's lovely brass arms every Christmas. A Cloud Baby added every time a new Wagner came. It was time but I can't help but be sentimental about the loss of what is familiar and comfortable.

My oldest son bought his first house last weekend. His sister is moving into his rental house. My youngest is moving out of his fraternity house and into a typical Norman rental-worn down but close to campus, and we are remodeling here. All will be moving on in May. It will be a little chaotic, but we'll manage because as I keep reminding myself, this is all good. This is all positive. And this is all family. - chrissie

Good Job

2009-03-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

Remember when your children were small? Those first faltering steps. "Good job", you exclaimed. Reciting the ABC's. A,B,D,G.......... "You're so smart!". A hearty attempt at kicking a soccer ball. "Good try!" Imagine the reverse. "Little Miss Clumsy aren't you? It's A,B,C,D Einstein." "If you would just practice and apply yourself...."

We would never talk to our young children like that. What happens when we talk to our teenagers? "Why do you hang out with those kids?" "Are you going to wear that?" "Why can't you make better grades. You'll never get into a good college." "Do you know how many calories that has in it?

Whew. Talk about negative. We learn in business to always add something positive, even if the job review is a poor one. Our Mothers' taught that if we didn't have something nice to say, to say nothing. Experience reminds us how words said to us when we were young continue to hurt when we are old. So why do we accentuate the negative with our own teens? Why are we so quick to focus on what they did wrong?

Are we as parents guilty of "stereotyping" our own children? Is the absence of "bad" things our definition of a "good" kid? "He doesn't do drugs. She doesn't drive dangerously. They don't do crazy things. To complete the sentence....like teens do. See the stereotype?

Try turning it around. Buster is into a healthy lifestyle. Gwendolyn is an extremely conscientious driver. They have great friends and always look before they leap into anything.

When our children were small, we helped them achieve goals. We thought of our children as full of potential, capable of growing in positive ways with our loving guidance. And guess what? Now as teens, they still are. chrissie

Reciprocating Love

2009-03-18T06:39:00.000-07:00

The power of advice from Coach Lou (Chrissie's column yesterday) is illustrated daily in small ways all across America. An example can be found on a YouTube making headlines this week.

We often hear about the dumb things teens post to YouTube, but this week Ben Gullet of Brandan, Florida, fourteen, posted a video to try to help his dad get a job. We advocate and advocate for our children, but they rarely get a chance to do the same for us (at least not until they are old and we are even older). Here is one young teen's magnanimous example of being an advocate for his dad in a perceived time of need:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCeX--Tz1cc

Let's hope our kids would do the same for us!

Word from the Wise

2009-03-17T19:05:00.000-07:00

Another school year is winding down. Pre-schoolers will be moving on to elementary school, 6th graders move to middle-school, 8th graders go to high school and seniors move on to college or into the work force. For parents, years have flown. One day we're standing around the corner as our unwilling 6 year old is spirited away by his teacher and the next, we're watching a confident 18 year old fill out college applications.

We all hope we have given our children the tools they need to lead happy, fulfilled, successful lives. If only there was a formula to use as they grow. A mantra to model for our children. A key to an abundant life.

I don't think anyone has all the answers but there is someone who seems to have a pretty good handle on them. Lou Holtz, coach extraordinaire, sports commentator, and motivational speaker- can sum up what's important in 100 words or less.

"Dr. Lou" Make sure you always have four things in your life : something to do, someone to love, something to hope for and something to believe in.

On Progress Progress requires this. You can't steal second base and keep one foot on first. For every person who says you can do something, there will be 99 who say you can't. Don't be discouraged by the 99. Be encouraged by the person who believes in you.

On Confidence Believe in yourself. You can't satisfy everyone . Just make sure you please yourself.

On Attitude There are two different types of people: those who lift you up and those who pull you down. Life people up, don't tear them down.

On Success Oliver Wendell Holmes said, "What lies behind you and what lies ahead of you is of very little importance when you compare it with what lies within you." If determination lies within you, you'll be able to find a solution to all your problems.

On Influencing Those We Love 10 percent of you won't remember 10 percent of what is said 10 minutes after it's said. But I hope it will cause you to think. I hope all of you have the desire to dream, the courage to win, the faith to believe and the will to succeed.

Now, could anything so wise be said so simply? Thanks Coach. Chrissie

"13 is the New 18"

2009-03-10T20:42:00.000-07:00

Erma Bombeck was one of my favorite authors. Her humorous take on Motherhood was a reassuring voice when my own experiences with 4 children seemed daunting and I felt totally inept. Her observations helped an often overwhelmed young Mother realize, "Oh, it's just not me!"

I am always on the lookout for new voices in the Motherhood and Family department. New voices that offer insight and advice but in an entertaining way. That spoonful of sugar makes that insight and advice so much easier to swallow. Here's a good example.

"I wonder sometimes if there's something to the old superstition about the number thirteen. Maybe that superstition was originally created by the mothers of some tribe who noticed that in their children's thirteenth year, they suddenly became possessed by evil spirits."

Beth Harpaz is the talented author of (deep breath)- 13 Is the New 18, and Other things My Children Taught Me While I Was Having A Nervous Breakdown. Long title, really funny book. I contacted Ms. Harpaz and kindly gave me permission to share an excerpt.

ADOLESCENT BEAUTY

I try not to be outraged by what I perceive to be the unfair disappearance of the ugly-duckling stage of adolescence. (Unfair because I had to suffer through it, so why shouldn’t everyone?) It used to be that most kids were downright funny-looking until they were about sixteen. They had braces and pimples and little-kid haircuts, and they were so embarrassed by their height and their bumps and everything else that they slouched in an effort to hide.

But all of that is no more. Now orthodonture starts with nine-year-olds, before the teeth that need correcting have even finished growing in. I suppose there are sound dental theories behind this, but one of the results is that the "metal mouth" stage is already well behind them by the time they hit thirteen.

And maybe I'm imagining this, but it seems to me like most teenagers don't even have pimples any more. Do they all have personal dermatologists? Are they all getting facials? Or do they just know more about buying acne cream and cleansers than we did?

Not only that, but kids now all seem to have Perfect Posture. When I was a teenager, our mothers and aunts and grandmas were always yelling at us to stand up straight. But when was the last time you heard someone tell a kid to stand up straight? We slouched and dressed in lumps and layers and sacks of clothes because we didn't want anyone to see how awful we looked. As far as I can tell, teenagers these days have nothing to hide. Instead they are all about "LOOK AT ME!" They want the world to admire them.

And why shouldn't they? They look like movie stars, with fabulous smiles, fabulous clothes and fabulous hair. Sometimes when I see a group of adolescent girls hanging out somewhere I almost can't stand it. How did they get so perfect-looking?

Ms Harpaz shared her website. http://www.13isthenew18.com On the site are several excerpts from her delightful book, 13 is the New 18. It may of course be ordered from Amazon or found at your favorite bookstore. Enjoy. Chrissie

Mom, Dad! Have You Been Reading My....Phone?

2009-03-07T20:28:00.000-08:00

Remember when you used to keep your diary under lock and key for fear that dear old mom and dad might read it and find out you did something stupid like....pierce your ears at a slumber party?

Some kids do still keep diaries, but it's more likely that, rather than going through your child's dresser trying to find it, you should possibly read something else - the text messages on his/her cell phone.

Have you ever been tempted to pry it out of your teen's hand in the middle of the night to see who has called or check out the texts? Maybe you have to fish it out from under the pillow carefully while he/she is asleep?

No? Well, it's possible you should. You have heard about the court cases in which girls have sent nude photos of themselves over their phones? Texts offering "services" I can't mention sent from girls to boys and vice versa?

Are all kids doing it? Of course not. But, if you notice your child keeps his/her phone keypad locked (and it's not because the face of the phone is exposed and can accidentally dial itself), that's your warning signal. It's like a locked diary, only worse. A diary was a one-way conversation between a teen and his/her own thoughts. A phone is a two-way discussion and you don't know who your child might be conversing with.

Even the best kids probably have a text or two they wouldn't want you to read. Something stupid and harmless, like "what are the answers to the AP Calculus test today?" You don't have to be duplicitous - be open and just ask to see the phone. You don't want to violate your child's trust necessarily, but you probably do want to know if your child might potentially be in trouble. Go ahead, read the phone.

Please remind your child not to use his/her cell phone during school and not to answer any texts from unrecognizable numbers. Be safe.

----------Melony

Who Are You?

2009-03-03T06:41:00.000-08:00

The "Teen" years. How do you remember yours? Do you grimace and cringe a little bit or do you smile and see high school in a rosy glow? Whether our teens were spent in penny loafers, granny dresses, prairie skirts, Nik Nik shirts or acid washed jeans, our personal experiences probably reflect on how we handle our own child's adolescence.

The way we react to when and how our child's adolescence begins will largely be a function of our own adolescent experience. Parents whose middle name was "Trouble" will tend to feel distrustful of what their child is up to. Parents who still have their Homecoming Crown or Football Jersey tend to look forward to their kids' adolescence. Those of us whose teen years were riddled with angst and social mockery will dread their child's own experience and anticipate every imagined angst and issue.

News Flash. We cannot predict what kind of adolescence our child will have, and we cannot predict how events in our child's life will play themselves out. We can watch closely, and with interest, but we shouldn't impose our experiences and our expectations on our teen.

Are Teens a Different Species?

You've dreaded the moment for years, still you're surprised by it the day it happens. You look over at your child, and you need to look up to see if his face is dirty. It is, so you wipe the dirt with your hand, and you realize it's not dirt, it's hair. Precious has a beard. Or, out of the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse of a beauty walking down the street and as you turn to stare you realize with horror that it's your 13-year-old daughter, and "What is she wearing!" Your 11-year-old isn't rolling in dirt anymore, she's spending hours in the shower. Your 12-year-old no longer laughs at your jokes. Adolescence has struck.

New Tactics Needed

He may be taller than you, he may drive and he may prefer anywhere but where you are. But.... he's still a child, still your child, and he still needs guidance, just not in the same way. Here are some things to keep in mind about the strange creature that has taken over your child's body and is living in your house:

Contrary to popular belief, your adolescent doesn't want a fight any more than you do. Look for the positive intent!

Many communication problems happen because parents and adolescent children have different world views and interpret events in very different ways.

His world view is influenced by the natural hormones surging through his body. Between two people coming from such different perspectives, communication becomes even more important.

Your cover has been blown. Your adolescent becomes painfully aware that you are only human, and he may feel betrayed. Mom or Dad are no longer invincible, no longer perfect.

Your adolescent child is fragile and new, but he doesn't need to be protected against the world completely. Actually, he needs his limits reset wider.

From the time they were toddlers, we have been our children's trampoline. We have been something for our son or daughter to propel from, something safe and bouncy to land on. When our adolescent leaps and pushes off from us, he's not deliberately hurting our feelings. She is pushing toward adulthood, leaping toward the sky. And isn't that just where we want them to be be?

The Care and Feeding of Teenagers

Gainful Employment

Living in the Counterintuitive World

What Do I Say, Teach or Learn?

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Why Aren't Teens Getting Enough Sleep?

Why Is Sleep Important?

How Do I Know if I'm Getting Enough?

How Can I Get More Sleep?

How Can I Get More Sleep?

Those Were the Days

The Care and Feeding of Teeangers

You've Got A Friend

I'd Walk A Million Miles For One of Her Smiles

Drugged

Tobacco Free Teens

It's My Party

Prom Issues

It's For You

Mr. Fix It

Summer Will Be Here Before We Know It

When I Was a Kid........

The Family That Plays Together

Taking EOI's Seriously

Movin' On Up

Good Job

Reciprocating Love

Word from the Wise

"13 is the New 18"

Mom, Dad! Have You Been Reading My....Phone?

Who Are You?

New Tactics Needed