The Care and Feeding of Teenagers

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2010-03-20T05:49:00.003-07:00

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2010-03-20T05:49:00.001-07:00

Violence-The New Arbitration

2010-03-20T05:19:00.000-07:00

It's horrifying to watch. It's hard to miss. Turn on any news show and the video is endlessly played and discussed. Six girls lure a 16-year-old " friend" to a home with a phone call. She is met at the door by one girl while five others hide. As she walks into the trap two teens begin attacking her, slamming her head against the wall. When the ambushed girl regains consciousness, the girls take turns hitting her, all the while cheering one another on and videoing the thirty-minute attack. One voice is heard yelling: "There is only 17 seconds left, make it good." Two boys wait outside as lookouts.

All eight teens have been arrested for assault The victim apparently posted something against one of the girls on My Space. According to her attackers the girl deserved the treatment. Not one of the young women has showed any remorse for their deeds.

It's time for a reality check. This incident is not an isolated affair. Physical aggression among girls is a quickly growing trend. Statistics reveal that American girls are becoming as prone to violent behavior as boys. Dr Ruth Peters, a Today show contributor, sites the following:

Â· 20 years ago roughly ten boys were arrested for assault every one girl. That ratio is now four to one.
Â· Girls in gangs are just as likely to participate in beatings as boys.
Â· U.S. Department of Justice shows that in 1990 one in 50 juvenile arrests for all crimes is a girl. In 2003 one in three juvenile arrests for violent crimes is a girl.
Â· More than one in every four teens aged 13 to 15 who are arrested for aggravated assault is a girl.

The question is, why now? What has changed in our culture that triggers young women (and young men) to physically attack each other, seemingly without regret or remorse? Experts argue that video games, TV and movies, mass media, popular music and the Internet all glorify violence. There is a site to post fights on My Space called "Put Em On." That promised 15 minutes of fame further encourages the actions. It also validates and legitimizes the violence. Certainly, these examples are symptoms of a culture gone haywire, but these influences are unfortunately modeled by adult behaviors the kids come in contact with every day. Their actions are reflecting adult culture.

Sit a couple of times at a Little League game and watch a parent "lose it" over a call. Shows like Jerry Springer made cat fighting a form of entertainment. A distraught Father murders his own children, just to get back at his wife. A college student dresses in black and methodically shoots anything moving, because of his own personal failures. Individuals drive by houses and fire guns out of the window, all in the name of "saving face." An inconvenient pregnancy is no big deal, thanks to Roe V/S Wade. Road Rage is how some deal with the frustration of merely driving a car. Could it be true? Is a society of screaming, vitriolic, short tempered and self- centered grown-ups raising America's children?

Remember Steve Martin's comment from the movie Parenthood ? "You have to have a license to go fishing but they put a live baby in your arms and let you walk straight out of the hospital." It's true. This infant is placed in our care, unfortunately, without any operating instructions. Mothers and Fathers have to go on instinct and what they themselves learned at their own parents knee. If the experience wasn't so great, statistics show the next generation won't be so great at parenting either.

American families must break this cycle. Kids cannot be cast adrift to raise themselves. Parents, get to your kids before the culture does. Then, when our children are faced with decisions, they will have the tools and the inner voices to make the right choices. Dr. Michael Bradley observes that parenting is a contact sport. Be connected with your children. Only through this connection will they learn what is right, what is good and what is true. chrissie

Close the Door, Change the Record, Clean the House

2010-03-19T21:37:00.000-07:00

Ok, so a friend told me about Paul Coelho's Facebook page. I interact with a lot of writers, but I never thought about their having a Facebook, but why not - everyone else does! And, hey, they're writers, right? It's what they do, so of course most of them are connected these days, having cast off the manuscript writing for the much easier to read and edit computer. And while sitting at the computer waiting for inspiration, why not just take a break and jot on Facebook for awhile?

So, it was Paul Coelho and his 757,000 fans that led me to his message from March 11:
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. Close the door, change the record, clean the house. Stop being who you were, become who you are now.

Well, maybe it is a little cryptic and New Age-ish, but it did kind of jump out at me. Lately everywhere I look, the present and the past are all around me. It's hard to change the record when PBS is playing old Beatles, Stones, and Beach Boys and Jimi Hendrix can still make it to number one on the charts. It's hard to clean the house when it is still the repository of all the children's things. Although I did just get a new refrigerator and was forced to remove all the magnets and pictures of Madison and John at ages 2, 7, 10, 14 and 18. Not having to look at them has somehow freed me just a little from wondering where all the time went so quickly.

As for that closing door - there are lots of rooms in my house. It will take awhile to close them all.

Yakkety Yak- Don't Talk Back

2010-03-09T06:09:00.000-08:00

Do you feel like you and your teen are not speaking the same language? Does it seem like anything you say bounces off a blank wall? Has the child who hung on your every word now been replaced with a adolescent who listens to nothing you say? If you are wanting to see some changes in your relationship with your teen, communication may be the single most important place to focus, for communication is the key to your success. For every conversation, we have a choice in the language we use and in our approach. What, oh what, are our choices??

Sue Blaney, http://www.pleasestoptherollercoaster.com, offers 5 tactics that she guarantees will help us see some changes for the better:

Be brief. This tip is simple, straightforward and effective. Less is more when it comes to getting your point across with your teenager. When you hear yourself winding up and carrying on, tell yourself to stop. Make the point and end the conversation.

No lectures. Discussions are good; lectures turn your kids off. Effective communication includes give and take. Your most effective approach with a teenager will get him thinking, talking, and contributing. While there are times what you say goes. (see tip above), avoid getting on your soapbox and lecturing. (I personally love my soapbox and I am so good at posturing! -C)

Use silence. Pause after you ask a question, then wait for the answer. This tactic, while appearing simple and obvious is one that many parents neglect to use. It is a common mistake to jump in, solve problems for your child and direct too much; parental actions which actually work against you and your teen. Better to exhibit patience and see what she has to say for herself. (the trick here is a positive silence, not a sullen one!-c)

Use specific action words rather than abstract terms. Teens, just like when they were little, are pretty concrete in their thinking. It helps to use concrete and clear language. Whether you are providing guidance, discussing rules or expectations, or helping your teen sort through an issue with a teacher or friends, in most discussions try to use language that is specific and tangible. ("If you break curfew, you will be grounded," not, "if you break curfew, there will consequences too horrible to fathom."-c)

Tune into the feelings even more than the words. As you are interacting with your teenager, consciously try to identify the emotion he is feeling as that may be far more important to respond to than the words. Recognize his underlying emotion and respond to that appropriately. This tactic alone can shift your communication into a realm that is far more satisfying and real for your teen, helping him feel that you are seeing and understanding him at a new, more meaningful level. (tune in to what you already know, but perhaps have forgotten to utilize- that parent radar. -c)

These aren't the only strategies and tactics that can help you improve communication with your teenager... but if you concentrate on these five you can build some new habits that will yield helpful results.

Sue Blaney has some practical and easy to implement suggestions for opening up those lines of communication between parents and teens. I don't know.....it may be difficult to give up a parent's favorite argument, "Because I said so!!!" Enjoy the sunshine-chrissie

I'm the Mom

2010-03-06T05:05:00.000-08:00

I just attended the Boys in Crisis workshop given by Ruben Perez of aha!Process, Ruby Payne's company devoted to studying the effects of poverty. Mr. Perez, who was a Wal Mart Teacher of the Year, spoke about the state of boys in today's society and schools and how to reach them most effectively. More about that later.

But during the conference he shared a video that all moms can appreciate. It's Anita Renfroe's "William Tell Mom." I also posted it on our Facebook page. I don't think there is anything here that we haven't all said to our children at one point in their lives! Because, after all, we're the mom! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYukEAmoMCQ

If this will not open, just Google "William Tell Mom" and you will find the link to the youTube video, as well as the lyrics.

The Gift of an Ordinary Day

2010-03-02T05:11:00.001-08:00

I have been reading what I call, "a little book." It won't be on the New York Times Best Seller List. I probably won't see the author being interviewed by a talk show host. It has a limited audience but nevertheless speaks to those of us who pick it up.

the gift of an ordinary day - A Mother's Memoir, is a meditation on midlife. It speaks to those women who have passed babies and preschool and little league and moved on to curfews, hormones and children leaving home. It is a book about midlife want and loss. The author, Katrina Kenison assures us that mothers can reinvent themselves as their teens grow up. Mother's can truly claim new ground right along with their teenagers. Her book gives women the tools to switch gears and to find fulfillment and joy in this next part of our lives.

Kenison writes, "At mid-life, I managed to convince myself that physical movement was a prerequisite for change. Going somewhere else would satisfy a restlessness of spirit. Now, I recognize the restlessness for what it was-the first stirrings of fear that my own life would be over when my children left home. I began to ask the question, who am I now?"

"Once upon a time I took pride in the predictable patterns of our days; nap times and bath times and bed times. Later I taught my sons to cook for themselves and I proofread book reports and chauffeured carloads of boys. Now we're in a different place and a different time, and I need to become a different kind of mother. A mother who knows how to back off. A mother who's gaze is not so focused on her two endlessly absorbing children, but who is engaged in a rich full life of her own. "

"I must be a mother who trusts in who her children are, even if they aren't exactly who she thinks they ought to be. Who keeps faith in the future, even when the things her children do in the present give her pause. A mother who remembers, above all else, that the greatest gift she can give her nearly grown sons is the knowledge that, no matter what, she loves them both absolutely, just exactly as they are."
"
"What confirmed me as a mother from the first moment of birth to the now as each prepares to leave , is a heart full of love. That is the constant, the "never change". Love is the infinite, durable strand that's woven itself through all the days of a shared past and will wind it's way through our unknowable futures, no matter how much life separates us, no matter where my sons journey may ultimately lead them."

Katrina Kenison, in this small book, teaches the art of letting go and holding on. It is available at the Muskogee Public Library and on-line at Amazon. Enjoy. Chrissie

CIPA Regulations

2010-02-27T05:41:00.000-08:00

Chrissie's last blog about the dangers of the Internet for children is right on target. Dr. Barbara Staggs, former legislator and school superintendent, has been trying to educate the public about the dangers of allowing children unlimited access to the Internet, unregulated by any adult supervision. We all begin accumulating an Internet dossier the minute we sign onto any website with a login and password. Making sure children know about the dangers of the Internet, as well as practical things like using a pseudonym on Facebook, restricting their Facebook view settings, or not giving out personal information such as addresses and phone numbers over the Internet is a must, especially since their lives will be increasingly lived via the virtual world.

The federal government has also issued school regulations for protecting our children against Internet pornography. The Children’s Internet Protection Act (CIPA) is a federal law enacted by Congress to address concerns about access to offensive content over the Internet on school and library computers. Our public schools try hard to protect children from exposure to harmful sites and have filters in place to deny access to any questionable Web site. The guidelines are in place not only to protect, but also to educate our students about proper safeguards and use of the Internet.

Cyberbullying is also a threat and is another good reason to monitor your child's actions over the Internet. Bullying can take many avenues, including text messaging, emails, chat rooms and social networking sites. The safest way to protect your child is to stay educated yourself. We could all fall prey to Internet malefactors who try to hijack the fun and fabulous possibilities the Internet holds, just because they can.

Chatroulette-Perverts Welcome

2010-02-23T06:58:00.000-08:00

Chat rooms are about as old as the Internet. Either strictly in text or, more recently, via video hookup, they've been used for years to solve problems, hold meetings, meet people and communicate in positive. negative and even illegal ways

Enter Chatroulette. Suddenly, this ancient Internet activity has been retooled for the social-media-obsessed 21st century.

Here's how it works:You don't need to sign on to anything, just go to the site with your webcam-equipped computer to find yourself face to face with a total stranger somewhere else in the world. You may be introduced to a yodeling soccer player in Russia, snowed in college students in Minnesota or a sexually deviant weird-o who asks, shows or demonstrates things you never imagined would come through your computer. You may be propositioned, insulted or merely clicked off by your internet contact. Voyeurs welcome.

This site is free. This site is easy to access. This site is totally uncensored. This site is probably not a positive place for your tweens and teens to visit. One commentator for a national news show went on the site. She reported out of every 25 contacts, 24 were either unusual, indecent, pornographic or illegal.

Ernie Allen, national director for the Center for Missing and Exploited Children strongly warns parents to make this site unavailable to their sons and daughters. Exposing kids to adults with such a variety of issues, problems and obsessions is not a good thing. Children begin to see these bizarre and outrageous individuals as accepted and normal. They desynthesize the language and the acts they see on their home screens. Plus, with the whole weird internet world out there, who wants what these perverts chose to say or do in the heads of our kids?

Some steps to take from Mr. Allen. 1. Children do not need a computer in their room. If they do have one, 2. make sure there is no web-cam accessory. 3. You can also lock the site on your web browser. Also, a discussion about the site and why you are opposed to it would be my suggestion. Discussions are always better than ultimatums.

If you want to check the site out to see what everyone is talking about, just use your search engine and type in chatroulette. Those of you who read us often know I am a a reality TV groupie. I, however, have no interest whatsoever in meeting any "real" person who is on this site. To be a little graphic- to me, it seems like chancing a run in with a flasher. Not that I haven't seen such "flash" before, but setting myself up for someone else's perverted and selfish satisfaction just isn't an option. It gives the creepy-crawlies. I can't control coming around a corner and be "surprised", but I can control turning my computer on to this site.

If you do go on the site, send your report to Care and Feeding. I may not look at this new form of communication (sic) but I would love to know what our readers think. I'm Thinking Spring! Chrissie

What's for Dinner??

2010-02-16T07:29:00.000-08:00

Hope Valentines Day was a happy one for you and yours. It can't help but bring memories of paper covered boxes, the smell of steaming radiators and the feel of glitter stuck to your fingers. Remember those huge jars of paste in your teacher's "supply" closet. We would go, one by one and put a big glob on a paper towel, take it back to our desk and start creating. Homeroom parties were a simple affair-a cookie with red sugar crystals, a cup of Hawaiian Punch and Conversation Hearts to take home with our valentines.

I was invited to not one but two Valentine Parties this year. Wagner's three-year-old party was stimulating, creative and bountiful. Games, stories, songs, food and favors were in abundance. Also in abundance were parents and grandparents. We were circling the room, cameras rolling as the children partied. My Wagner seemed a little confused. He kept singing Happy Birthday to Me and looking for presents. After all, his birthday was only 3 weeks ago. It's hard for a boy to keep all his parties straight.

Big sister Annebelle celebrated the next day. Her party was in the gym and amazing to behold. There were bouncy houses, carnival games, a valentine luncheon and a cupid-clad mother, sprinkling Love Dust on the heads of all the revelers. There were decorated cookies in individual gift sacks and cupcakes with icing in red and pink and purple. Every little girl had some kind of Valentine- Themed ensemble on and a bow the size of a fist on their head. It was a grand affair.

I want my grandchildren to have a wonderful life. I will do everything possible to insure they do. Their parents and all of us who love them will sacrifice anything so they grow up safe, secure and protected. However, I just could not help to see the irony in my activity in the very same building, the very same day.

I joined other friends at St Paul to pack backpacks. Did you know that churches in Muskogee provide "take home" food for every school in our community, even MHS. Children are identified who might not have enough to eat over the weekend and they receive ten items including fruit, milk, proteins and starches. We packed puddings, granola bars, Vienna sausages, pretzels....certainly better than being hungry but not a hot meal.

I certanly trust the people who tell me this is needed in our community. I also know this is certainly not limited to Muskogee. A friend who teaches in OKC shares their Food Service provides the items for the weekend. I just question our very expensive but obviously inefficient welfare system. All that bureaucracy and American children are actually going hungry. I also question priorities in some families. Addictions and lifestyle choices often put children last in the hierarchy within a family.

Everybody responded to Haiti with millions and millions of dollars. They needed it. However, as a country, we must address our own issues. A Human Service system that has proven to be ineffectual. A segment of our population that does not know how to be self -sufficient and how to work toward an effective solution. A nation of children who eat their supper from a plastic wrapper or they get no supper at all.

American needs to figure this out and quickly. Children learn what they live. These children are walking wounded and the situation becomes more critical every day. I wish I had the answer. Shoot. I wish I knew what the questions were. chrissie

Imagine a World with No Books

2010-02-13T22:54:00.000-08:00

Not even John Lennon could have imagined what the technological world would dream up in the not so distant future. Technology is transforming our lives - and our children's lives - in a magical way here-to-fore only seen in a Harry Potter novel.

Take for instance the book. Since Gutenberg's miraculous technology - the printing press - people have gained greater access to ideas and information. The printing press posed the same threat during the Renaissance that the computer posed (and continues to pose) in our day. Scribes were afraid of losing their jobs, just like skilled laborers were afraid they would be replaced by computer systems in our day. Both fears came to fruition.

Now the fear is the loss of books as the computer subsumes the printed word from the newspaper to the novel. Just this fall one school library announced it would sell all 20,000 volumes in its library and go digital. (See Times article here http://roomfordebate.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/02/10/do-school-libraries-need-books/)
A library without books? That shakes the very etymological core of the word library, which after all comes from the Latin word "liber, -bri" meaning "book".

But as textbooks move to online versions, exciting opportunities exist for bringing not only better graphics into the books, but moveable graphics, videos, and 360 degree photos that could transport students back to ancient Rome or the Battle of Bull Run or demonstrate how the circulatory system works. Just with the click of a mouse. New technologies, such as Kindle or the iPad are making it possible. It will undoubtedly be the way we do business in a paperless society.

What this will do to the human brain, no one can imagine yet. But what it could do for relieving some of the boredom of reading dry textbook material holds endless possibility. Now if we could just get endless electricity and computers in every household. On second thought, don't burn those books yet.
-----Melony

Attitude Adjustment- Gates Style

2010-02-09T08:54:00.000-08:00

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things teens did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel--good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. This is a subject both Mel and I have discussed over and over. We are doing this next generation no favors by enabling and excusing them. It is daunting to think about turning the wheels of the world over to young men and women who don't have a clue about hard work, responsibility and commitment.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with an expense account until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
And finally, the best of all- Rule #11.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. Have a great week. Chrissie

Peyton Manning and Birth Order

2010-02-02T07:19:00.000-08:00

If you have more than one child, you may be very aware of distinct differences between their personalities. One is gung-ho, one is and quiet, one is always standing on his head and making jokes. Is it in their genes, or training, or an accident of nature that makes them who they are?

Time Magazine, in The Power of Birth Order, maintains that " in family after family, case study after case study, the simple roll of the birth-date dice has an odd and arbitrary power all it's own. " One study shows that firstborns are generally smarter than any siblings who come along later, enjoying on average a three point higher IQ advantage over the next eldest. ( I hope my two younger brothers are reading this). This is probably a result of the intellectual boost that comes from mentoring younger siblings and helping them in day to day tasks. Additionally, first children get more stimulation and interaction from their parents. The second child, in turn, in a point ahead of the third. Time states that "while three points may not seem like much, the effect can be enormous. Just 2-3 IQ points can correlate to a 15 point difference in SAT scores."

Studies show that later-born siblings tend to be shorter and weigh less that earlier borns. Peyton Manning is 6 ft. 5 in. and younger brother Eli is 6-ft. 4-in. Younger siblings are less likely to be vaccinated and last-borns are immunized at only half the rate of first borns. Elder siblings are also disproportionately represented in higher paying professions. 43% of CEO's are first born. Eldest siblings are also prevalent among MBA's and surgeons. and the U.S. Congress. Younger siblings, though less intellectual perhaps, are statistically likelier to live the creative and exciting life of an artist, a comedian, an adventurer, entrepreneur or firefighter. And middle children? Well, they can be a puzzle, even to the researchers.

In families, none of this comes as a surprise. There are few that can't identify a first-born who makes the best grades, keeps the other kids in line and winds up as caretaker and executor in their parents old age. Many "in the middle" are lost children and often the last is that "wild child". Look at your family scrapbooks. Are they stuffed with pictures and report cards of the firstborn with fewer entries and pictures of the children born next in line? The later borns notice it too.

It is interesting that younger off-spring find strategies to change the power system. They don't have size on their side, at least at first, but they get creative.

One method is humor. It's hard to resist the charms of someone who can make you laugh and lots of us can identify that last born clown who has learned to get his way by being funny. Birth-order scholars note that some of history's greatest satirists-Voltaire, Jonathan Swift, Mark Twain-were the youngest members of large families. Stephen Colbert is the last of 11 children. Personality tests show firstborns score well on general responsibility and follow through and that later borns score higher as what is known as agreeableness, or the simple ability to get along in the world. Something else interesting. Later borns are similarly willing to take risks with their physical safety. Prince Harry is a good example.

If the oldest are achievers and the youngest are the gamblers and visionaries, where does that leave those in between? Think about it. For a while, they are the baby. They're too young for the privileges of the oldest and too young for the leniency granted the youngest. They are expected to step up to the plate when the eldest leaves and generally serve when called. That Norwegian study discovered that should a first born die, the second-borns IQ actually rises.

Time describes middle born as "stuck for life" in a center seat. Time maintains middles are never alone and never get 100% of their parents investment of time and money. Self esteem issues may arise. One tendency cited in the study is that often the next born observes the one born before and then does the opposite. A middle child might become a slacker or rebellious if the eldest is a high achiever. This is called a "scape goat" in family dynamics. They often are less connected to family and more to friends.

Birth Order is of course just a theory. Some points may ring true. Others may seem the opposite in your own growing up or that of your children. It is still helpful to see what the studies have found and at least tuck it away as you relate to your own family. Any help as we raise them to be the adults they will become is a good thing. So get that middle child's Baby Book out and fill in all those blank pages! (And do check their vaccination records. I know my youngest was 6 months behind his shots at every appointment.) chrissie

Kudos to Teens

2010-01-28T15:56:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note to say how awesome teeangers can be when they band together for a good cause. Muskogee High School STUCO sponsor, Michele Hofschulte, put together the 2nd Annual Dodge Ball Tournament for Charity held this week in the MHS gym. Admission was 3 cans of food or $3. The proceeds were donated to the Muskogee Food Pantry.

All over the state and nations teens join together on such projects to help their communities. Since Hurricane Katrina, the desire to help others has risen among teens. 59% volunteer consistently and others volunteer episodically, up tremendously from 1989 statistics.

Especially important is offering the opportunity for economically disadvantaged youth to volunteer. A correlation between volunteering, civic pride, and college success among disadvantaged youth has been shown in the research project done by the Corporation for National and Community Service. You can read the report here:

http://www.nationalservice.gov/pdf/06_1203_volunteer_growth.pdf

Baby Boomers have volunteered at rates higher than any other generation. As they age, it will be imperative to have younger people step up to continue America's long history of the service ethic, noted as far back as de Toqueville. Developing that sense of community is the responsibility of both parents and the schools. Kudos to adults and teens who see a need in the community and fill it.

Could It Be So Simple?

2010-01-27T16:10:00.000-08:00

The average American is expected to live to 78. So says AARP. I think all of us would rather have quality versus quantity, no matter how long we live. We need to be taking the steps today to have a healthier and happier tomorrow. All this work raising out kids merits sticking around to see the productive and contributing adults they become.

On "The Early Show", Men's Health magazine Joel Weber showed us just how we can add years to our lives.

He shares we're succeeding at living longer, stronger and happier lives: Centenarians are one of the most rapidly growing segments of the U.S. population, according to the National Institute on Aging. The number of centenarians is growing at a rate of 4.1 percent per year; the numbers increased 51 percent between 1990 and 2000. This is no surprise. 100 year -olds are forming a line to be recognized by Willard Scott on national TV.

Here are five tips to live longer and to live better.

Eat Your Vegetables - Raw

Italian researchers have found that eating as little as one cup of raw vegetables daily can add two years to your life. Why raw? Cooking can deplete up to 30 percent of the antioxidants in vegetables. That said, sauteing, steaming, or blanching them is far better than not eating them at all. If you consume more than five servings of fruits and vegetables per day, you have a 26 percent lower risk of stroke than people who eat fewer than three servings, according to one British study. Try to eat as many different colors of vegetables as you can, and keep in mind that darker greens tend to contain the most vitamins and nutrients. Spinach, Swiss chard, kale, and collard greens are all excellent choices. When making salads, experiment with flavorful greens that you're not too familiar with. Just go easy on the salad dressings, which tend to be high in calories and sodium. For a healthy, easy-to-make dressing, mix two parts extra-virgin olive oil with one part balsamic vinegar, and then add salt and pepper to taste. (I would throw in a couple of cloves of crushed garlic and a little lemon juice).

Crack Some Shells

When Loma Linda University researchers tracked the lifestyle habits of 34,000 Seventh-Day Adventists -a population famous for its longevity- they discovered that those who munched nuts five days a week earned an extra 2.9 years on the planet. Not surprisingly, nuts are one of the healthiest snacks you can have. High in monounsaturated fats and protein, they help keep your arteries clean and your stomach feeling full. Eat two handfuls a day as snacks between meals. Almonds are especially good for their high doses of vitamin E and magnesium, but walnuts are a good alternative because they contain more heart-healthy omega-3s and pack half as much protein as chicken. He also suggests Planters Heart Healthy Mix, which contains six key nuts, including almonds and walnuts. Just remember to always opt for raw, unsalted nuts. Smoking and salting increases the sodium content, which can have a negative impact on your blood pressure.

Check Your Belly

The fat you carry today could kill you tomorrow. University of Alabama researchers discovered that maintaining a body-mass index of 25 to 35 can shorten your life by up to three years. BMI is a simple calculation of a person's weight-to-height ratio that doctors often use to determine a person's health risk. According to the National Institute of Health, a BMI of 19-24.9 is normal, 25-29.9 is overweight, and 30 or greater is obese. Excess body fat raises your risk of diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and colon cancer. Calculate your BMI using an online calculator. To improve your score, try circuit training-a conditioning technique that combines the best aspects of strength training and cardio into a single activity by having you move from one weightlifting station to the next without rest. Then persuade your significant other to join. A Duke University study showed that sedentary people are 50 percent more likely to work out three times a week if their partners participate.

Invite Your Friends Over

Chronic stress weakens the immune system and ages cells more quickly -ultimately shortening life-spans - but friendships can act as a buffer against stresses of everyday life. When Australian researchers looked at seventy-somethings, for instance, they found that those with the largest network of friends had the longest lease on life. For the average person, this could add up to seven additional years. But acquaintances aren't friends; You need people you can openly confide in. In a survey conducted jointly by Duke University and the University of Arizona, however, sociologists learned that women today report having an average of only two close confidants, down from three in 1985; nearly a quarter of the women surveyed reported having no one at all in whom they could confide. So say "hello" to the neighbors, invite your closest friends over for game night, and then maintain rituals, whether it's as simple as a weekly Sunday night phone call or a yearly stay in a beach house with people you love.

Find a Happy Place

In a Yale University study of older adults, people with a positive outlook on the aging process lived more than seven years longer than those who felt doomed to deteriorating mental and physical health. If you're outlook has some room for improvement, give back to your community by volunteering or mentoring-selfless actions that distract from unhealthy obsessing. In addition to helping others, don't forget to care for yourself. Make yourself happy by doing the activities you enjoy most-whether it's going to the spa for a facial, quality time with family, or hitting the links. Maybe it's baking bread, joining a book club or climbing Mt. Everest. It's all up to each of us. Attitude goes a long way to keeping us healthy and happy. It's a choice. The key is finding what makes each of us happiest.

So, veggies, nuts, exercise, friends and positive outlooks. It's easy! See you on the Today show in 20__. chrissie

No Wafflling Allowed

2010-01-18T08:36:00.000-08:00

If only being a parent was like following a recipe. Add a cup of this and a tablespoon of that and voila- a happy and well-adjusted teenager. Unfortunately, we often face decisions and choices for which there is no pat formula. There is no easy answer.

Imagine your son has committed to participate in a time-consuming volunteer program early in the school year. At the beginning, he is gung-ho and enthusiastic. Now, it's the middle of the year and everything about that commitment looks different. The project is not well organized. the mission is not clear, the desired results are not forthcoming. For some very good reasons, your son wants to quit the project. Reevaluating the situation, we wonder "when is it okay to allow a kid to renege on a commitment? When can a parent be flexible on such a thing, and when does one stay firm?"

This choice between being firm and being flexible is one that parents come across frequently. And it's rarely clear what the best choice is. Too often, right and wrong is not clear, and despite our best intentions to always make the right decisions, we are sometimes guessing our way through the situation.

Sue Blaney from http://www.parentingteensinfo.com/blog offers 8 steps that may help you if you are struggling with a tough decision regarding your teen:

1. Clearly define the real issue at hand ( this is the hard part).

2. Explore, consider and discuss all options and alternatives.

3. Make a list of pros and cons-including your teenager.

5. Get in touch with the emotions you are feeling; give yourself time to allow them to inform you. If necessary, look again at steps 1 -4

6. Tap into your courage. This will be required, whether you decide this is a time to stand firm, or to be flexible and take a new approach. Raising teens and having courage to do it? Absolutely.

7. Make your decision.

8. Move on.

Once the decision is made, cut yourself some slack. Agonizing over anything after the fact is counter-productive. Don't second-guess yourself. Don't lose anymore sleep over this. Don't look for outside validation for your choice. Don't allow it to eat away at you. You've made your best choice with the information you had. The next step is to just move on! chrissie

After Tupac and D Foster

2010-01-17T11:39:00.000-08:00

Just a short blog to get the word out about a a teen reading site called Teen Reads. It can be found at http://www.teenreads.com/features/NIP_index.asp. This is a great site for teens who love to read with scads of reviews about teen genre novels. It could also be a great site for teens struggling with reading. Their facebook page would be a great attraction to get teens interacting with books, author, and ideas. Join here:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Teenreadscom/72512133018

One novel new to me is Jacqueline Woodson's After Tupac and D Foster, out in paperback. It is a coming of age story set in an African American neighborhood in Queens. Three girls become best friends set against tragic events. For grades 6 - 9. Woodson has won the Newberry Award and Coretta Scott King Award for children's literature. Here is the link to her website:

http://www.jacquelinewoodson.com/.

It's Simple It's Complicated It's Parenting

2010-01-11T08:18:00.000-08:00

There is rumor of a secret society that is purported to have all the tools to successful parenting. This mysterious and mystical organization is rooted in the past, works in the present and looks toward the future. Secrets are not found buried in a vault or hidden in cryptic codes, they are passed in an oral tradition, from one member to another. The tricky part is, deciphering what is good and true and pure, and discarding the false and deceptive gobbledygook that is also included in the messages.

A special talisman is necessary to sort and arrange the lessons offered by the society. This talisman is a shining beacon in often murky and unstable territory. The territory of raising a child and doing it well. What, you ask, is this mysterious and mythical charm? What can help each of us navigate in these stormy and uncharted seas? As always with answers, this one is deceptively simple. The use of common sense.

If I want my child to have direction, I must be a compass. If I want to my child to feel safe, I must offer an environment of safety. If I want my child to feel validated, I must give him an opportunity to be confident and successful. If I want my child to feel love, I must show him love in a million different ways.

He or she first needs a sense of family. They need expectations and boundaries, tenderness and discipline, service and philanthropy, knowledge and education, respect and courtesy. Care-givers must offer a house that welcomes friends and is filled with laughter. A gift to our children is a young life of exploration, discovery and wonder. It is just common sense that we model behavior, create a positive environment, and verbally communicate with our children. Growing successful and competent adults takes a plan. If children grow up helter- skelter, their adult lives will be just as fragmented and undirected.

One tool from this secret vault that I believe to be a no brainer is "find a passion." This is best done before the hormones kick in, but it is never too late. Finding a passion simply means, identify and nurture something your child is good at. Whether it is music or a sport or 4H or breaking a car down and putting it back together, find something your personal child can focus all those budding hormones and all that angst on.

The restlessness and lack of direction so often seen in middle school and high school is easily deflected with a favorite way to spend time. Showing a horse, dance competitions, motocross racing, soccer tournaments or swimming competitively are all excellent activities within themselves, but even better, the nature of the activity involves a commitment other than the actual event. Say, horses and riding competitively is your child's interest. Livestock must be cared for, clubs and organizations foster friendships with like minded young people and to compete in the ring requires diligence in daily training.

Of course any sport demands practice, competition and the drive to excel. Camps and workshops further promote excellence and focus. Athletic performance demands a healthy life style and experienced team mates are role models to younger team members. We all know that good coaches can effectively influence a young man or woman for the rest of their life.

A passion for the Arts can last a lifetime. Classes, camps and private lessons give a budding musician or artist tools needed to develop in their medium. Exposure to museums, concerts, galleries and choral groups foster a passion to excel. Oklahoma offers a unique opportunity for young artists via the Oklahoma Arts Institute. http://oaiquartz.com/. Muskogee Little Theater will host a summer youth theatre program. http://www.muskogeelittletheatre.com/. Voice lessons are also available at MLT. The Muskogee Art Guild has art classes as do several private artists in this community. Local music businesses have contacts for guitar, drum and other instrument instruction.

No hocus pocus. No mumbo jumbo. Just common sense. Who better than a parent to identify a child's special gifts? The magic is to nurture and develop these gifts by offering tools and opportunities to excel. Every child should have their chance to sparkle. chrissie

It's Elemental Watson

2010-01-04T16:02:00.001-08:00

We all want our children to have a successful and productive life. Shoot. Wouldn't we also like that for ourselves? Is there a short- cut that makes life better, more pleasant and eminently, more satisfying? It is as obvious as the nose on our face, but unfortunately, half the American population is publicly picking theirs.

Manners. Yep, Manners. Now, I am not talking about which spoon to use when served clear soup versus cream soup. I am talking about the forgotten practice of putting a napkin in one's lap. The next step in this process is actually using said napkin. The quandary of what month oysters are served in is not a pressing problem. Eating across from someone who has much to say about Global Warming, but does so with their mouth open, full of chili fries, is definitely disconcerting. Elbows off the table, please. Sometimes shoulders off the table is more applicable. Do not hold a fork upside down in a tight fist and stab at anything that's not tied down. Knives should be replaced to the plate after each cut, not held in the other hand as if expecting an ambush at the dinner table.

Toothpicks. Oh Lord. How have they become accepted main steam hygiene? What are we modeling for our kids? Pieces of partially digested food products are being sucked and picked out of diner's teeth during coffee and dessert. Wait one, maybe two more minutes at the max. Gums and spaces will not suffer until you can at least get to your car. Ask your dentist. It's okay.

Children should be taught to rise when older people enter the room. Anyone younger should do so. It is a sign of respect. We all need to know what a firm handshake is and how to make eye contact. A correct introduction is important to grasp. It's oldest first, "Father Time, may I introduce Naked New Year Baby in top hat." As a teacher, I really noticed when I was acknowledged with a smile and a nod by students (or faculty for that matter). Common courtesy. It is affirming and positive.

What in heaven's name happened to holding a door open for someone? How many times are you right on the heel of someone going into the Quickie Mart and BAM, the door slams in front of you as Mr. No Shirt heads to the beer cooler. Oh and my favorite, just as you hit the door, manly man brings up a big, juicy hocker and SPITS it on the pavement as he goes into the store. This is an incredibly nasty habit and it has also become mainstream. Walking up the steps at my high school was enough to ruin lunch. Boys and Girls. This is an equal opportunity bad manners.

Hats. Oh hats. Men and boys. Take them off inside. It is simple. Friends employed at the hospital laugh about certain proud papas. At the birth of their child, they smile for the camera with their baby in their arms and with their ball cap screwed tightly on. Sweaty and well used or still with the tag hanging off the brim, please, take them off inside. It is good manners.

Let's agree to not put anything on the back of our cars that someone else would be embarrassed to read or is illegal. Cartoon characters relieving themselves on anything said driver takes offense to would be one example. Physical maiming threatened as retaliation for tail-gating is another popular Oklahoma bumper-sticker. Lastly, the humor of your kid beating up my honor student may just be sending the wrong signals of your expectations and priorities to your own personal child.

A personal bugaboo - bread and butter letters. Christmas thank-you's are a perfect time to start. Children need to start the practice as soon as they can scribble and continue until they can no longer hold a pen in crippled, arthritic hands. If Great Aunt Edna hobbles to the mall and picks out that stunning pair of rubber galoshes-thank her. After any job interview, drop a note and thank that little HR guy for his time. Mr. and Mrs. Super Parents host all 67 of your Chess Club for dinner and debate, thank them. Acknowledge kindness. Acknowledge effort. Write a Thank You note. Wedding gifts, graduation presents, baby showers, birthday parties, memorials to a loved one-gratitude and appreciation please. One other thing, those pre-printed thank you notes, a definite no-no. Write your own and make it sincere and personal. When my kids were small, birthday checks would be cashed as soon as the thank you note was written and mailed. Not a bribe, a given.

Socially acceptable behaviour is not brain surgery Manners are nothing more than kindness, consideration and common sense. Start standards of behaviour early and they will be second nature to your child. Civilized behavior is not bad. It is good. From a compliment on the back of a child's elementary report card to important and monumental life choices, being polite goes a long way to "seal the deal" for a successful life. chrissie

We're on Facebook and Twitter

2010-01-01T22:28:00.000-08:00

Chrissie and I are getting technological on everyone. We have a facebook page and a twitter account. They are both brand new and just barely running, but wanted to spread the news. We'll keep you posted on how it's going.

One positive thing I've noticed about facebook is how cross-generational it has become. It might be able to eradicate the generation gap just a little by opening up lines of communication between the young, the not-so-young, and the old. Maybe it is a time-waster, but it's also a great way to keep in touch with those near and far, and to understand people on a deeper level without ever carrying on a face-to-face conversation. As ironic as it sounds, sometimes that's not such a bad thing.

2010 is going to be a great year. We'll keep you posted.

http://www.facebook.com/

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, ........)>%&)%^#@

2009-12-28T13:50:00.000-08:00

Quite a holiday wasn't it? We don 't often get a White Christmas in northeast Oklahoma. Now I'll remember to not get too sentimental about a snowy Christmas morning. It was doubly difficult because many can't just hunker down and stay by the fire like a normal snowy day. There were groceries to buy, gifts to deliver and families waiting for their loved ones arrival. Lots of plans were changed and lots of people were disappointed.

My group was pretty lucky. Everyone was here before the snows came. My oldest son blasted out of OKC at 8:00 or Christmas Eve morning. If he had left much later, he would have had to turn around. Christmas Eve Dinner went from 60 to 20, my cousin was resigned and gracious as the calls kept coming in. She always hosts a beautiful party for her extended family-and those of us who made it had a wonderful time!

Christmas morning my boys and husband fashioned an "Over the River" sleigh to bring part of the family up from across the street. Grandchildren and in-laws arrived via a 4 -wheeler and flatbed, wrapped in lap blankets with Champ the Wonder Dog running merrily behind the entourage. My son-in-law's San Diego brother called it a red neck snow-mobile. He was right!!

Christmas night, the kids' friends found it no problem to make it up our icy driveway. As Mel advised, there was plenty of food and drink and a fire roaring in the outdoor fireplace. Snowball fights resulted, just as when they were little. There is nothing I like better than going to sleep with the sound of their laughter echoing through the house.

We did have a bump in the next day's plans. Traveling to my brother Eddie's in Bixby to spend Christmas with our extended family was a little harrowing. In a two car caravan, we set out.....turkey, presents and grand babies in tow. Husband Warren was not to sure about the roads, as he repeated often during the drive........I pish - poshed his concern, commenting on the beautiful scenery between Haskell and Leonard. The scenery was a lovely backdrop as daughters Catherine and Annie (with two little ones in car seats), gracefully slid off the highway into a rather large and deep ditch. Let it be noted there were only two "I told you so's" -then my hero of a husband swung into action.

We barreled through a cattle gate with three NO TRESPASSING signs. Two huge dogs lunged on their chains as Wag knocked on the trailer door. A bearded man answered in his pajama bottoms. After a short explanation with much gesticulating , the good soul reved up his huge backhoe thingy and chugged through his pasture toward my stranded family. Grandson Wagner's (John Deere Tractor Boy) dream came true as he woke up from his travel nap to the huge machine coming right at him. The car was pulled out and we turned around, our lovely December 26th afternoon thwarted by icy roads and my husband's unwillingness to try again. I mean, we were almost there!

I know you all have your own tales from Christmas 2009. We can either laugh or cry, and it was kind of a grand adventure. One thing that happens when we can't control events is that we appreciate our times together even more. My brother is still waiting for that Wagner smoked turkey! I'm coming bro. Just waiting for the next snowstorm to pass. chrissie

I'll Be Home for Christmas, For a Minute

2009-12-22T21:31:00.000-08:00

Christmas brings with it a certain sentimentality and expectation of tradition. Part of that tradition is the anticipation of spending time with our teenaged and college-aged children. But part of their growing up is also growing away and developing other friendships that will carry them through long after we are gone. After the dirty laundry that piled up during final exams is deposited, friends will call and a mad dash will be made for the door. The day after Christmas, they will be bored. What should we do?

First, sync everyone's plans and let the kids know when their attendance at family functions and social events is mandatory. That will help allay any miscommunication and get everyone where they are supposed to be on time and in good form.

Next, make sure your children's friends are welcome at your house. Have food on hand. Rent movies and video games. Make being at your house fun, that way the kids won't have to run away. You can also make it a tradition to take in a holiday movie with all the gang.

Never underestimate the power of being in a good mood. You can't be in a good mood all the time, but you can be aware of when your holiday passive-aggressiveness is about to show. Remain calm. Be happy - it's Christmas only once a year. Keep in mind what is important regardless of money or gifts that are the wrong size or color. Be mindful of when your expectations for perfection are overpowering being in the here and now. Help others keep perspective, too. It will improve everyone's holiday.

Finally, just go with the flow. They'll be home for Christmas, but only for a minute!! Enjoy it!! Merry Christmas and a happy, happy New Year!

Focus. Focus.

2009-12-08T06:38:00.000-08:00

Deep Breath. Put the "To Do" List down. Relax. Remember Moms- it's our holiday too.

I let myself get into a twit over Thanksgiving this year. All the family had a wonderful time, which was the point, but I hardly remember the day. I called my daughter the a few days later and asked her, "Did I have gravy?" Well, I did but I have absolutely no recollection of making the roux, adding the stock or seasoning the gravy. Now, gravy is something that takes a little planning. Is it thickening? Is it lumpy? Does it need a little salt? Gravy was on the table, I just don't remember how. That is preoccupied with a capital P.

So, Christmas. Shopping. Baking. Decorating. Wrapping. Polishing. Cleaning. Traveling. If your house is where everyone comes, it is daunting. I have heard people say they aren't putting up a tree this year. Others who bring Christmas dinner home- baked, roasted and ready to put on the table. I say, it you can get away with it, more power to you! I guess, though it is more work, the traditions and the work that goes along with it is what means Christmas for many of us. Dragging out the scraggly Santa that Aunt Mary made, polishing the silver bells to hang on the wreath at the front door, cutting out endless cookies and children, now grandchildren,getting sprinkles everywhere-somehow that is Christmas for me.

I promised myself after Thanksgiving that I would approach Christmas with a clear head and common sense this year. Two good examples that support my objective. # 1. I attended the Community Choir's Messiah last night with dear friends. #2. I drove around the parking lot at Woodland Hills Mall yesterday and drove right back out again. There is nothing there that warrants the traffic and the crowds.

I just mailed a "Finals Box" for my youngest. It contained some goodies to study with. Below are two favorites that are easy, fast and travel well. They are both great to tie up in cellophane gift sacks for little thank you's or favors.

Seasoned Pretzels

Mix together the following until well blended.
1 pkg ranch dressing mix
1 T lemon pepper
1 heaping tsp cayenne pepper
1 T garlic powder
3/4 cup vegetable oil

Put pretzels in a plastic bag and pour mixture - seal and shake to coat. Soak overnight.

Puppy Chow
Microwave until melted and smooth
1/2 cup margarine
1 cup peanut butter
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

In a large bowl -Pour above mixture over one 15 oz pkg Crispix cereal
Mix gently to coat well.
Place 4 cups powdered sugar in a large bag. Add cereal mixture and shake to coat well. Spread on foil or tray to dry. Store in airtight container.

Enjoy the season. Remember the reason. Don't only be pleasin'. chrissie

Who's the Boss?

2009-11-30T16:15:00.000-08:00

Do you sometimes feel your teen shows you a lack of respect? Do your expectations not result in desired results? Does it it feel like you have lost control over your child and your home? Are your threats and cajoling falling on deaf ears? I promise, you are not alone. It is normal for tweens and teens to test their boundaries and question your authority. Normal, yes. Acceptable. No.

OK. Problem addressed. Now, how about a solution for getting your parent role back? Dr. Kevin Leman, contributor to Dr. James Dobson's magazine, Focus on the Family, offers the following insight.

It all comes down to who is really in charge in your family. Today's parents don't often act like parents. They are so concerned about being their child's friend, making sure their child is happy and successful, they fail in their most important role- to parent. They snowplow their child's road in life, clearing the path so the child never has to be uncomfortable or go out of her way. Mom and Dad become servants rather that parents who are preparing their children to be responsible and contributing citizens.

As a result, today's kids are becoming more powerful. They're all about me, me, me and gimmee. They are held less accountable for their actions and have less responsibilities in the family. Family becomes not what you give, but what you get. They rarely consider others besides themselves because they have never been taught to think that way.

Every child has a predictable strategy. He plays a trial and error game that is designed to get the best of you. He wins when he gets what he wants. If slamming the door has you trotting after your daughter with the car keys, she'll be more dramatic the next time. Children are masters at manipulation.

Leman offers the following strategy to regain your authority and insure your child is respectful and obedient.

Let Reality be the Teacher
Let nature take it's course. Don't rescue your kids from the consequences of failed responsibility.

Learn to Respond Rather than React
Often, parents react rather than respond. Our emotions get the better of us and we speak without thinking first. If the doctor says, " You responded to your medication," that's a good thing. If the doctor says, "you reacted to your medication," that's bad. Think about the difference when sweet thing asks (Insert anything here)....#1-I'm thinking of getting a tattoo...#2-There is a co-ed slumber party this weekend after the game...#3. I just don't think college is for me...

B Doesn't Happen Until A is Completed
You never have to change this strategy. It works every time with every age. If you've asked your child to do something, and it's not done, you don't go on until the next event-no matter what the event is. The secret here is consistency. Attitudes and behaviors may get worse for a time. Don't panic, it means you're on the right track. There is no threatening, no harassing, no warning. There are no put-downs. What is, is.

As you work together on attitude, behavior and character, you'll be building a relationship that is mutually satisfying. It's worth the effort. chrissie

Thrifty Recipes for Leftover Turkey

2009-11-27T05:20:00.000-08:00

Understanding thrift begins at home, including thrifty ways to use up all that leftover turkey. The Pilgrims would have used up all the remaining bits of food. American Indians used every part possible of a plant or animal. Our African American foods are based in using up everything possible. Because goods and food are so readily available to us today, or because we get bored easily trying to eat up all the leftovers, is no reason to waste the abundance with which we have been blessed. Ironically, we are often starving in our abundancy - starving for good, healthy food cooked slowly and lovingly, that nourishes not only our body, but also our soul. Something even as easy to prepare as the following can satisfy those cravings.

Here are my favorite Thanksgiving leftovers recipes. If you have some great recipes to share with us, please post them in the comment section. Today, I'm makin' gumbo from a tried and true recipe I've used for the last 29 years. My family loves it and has come to anticipate it on this day. I hope your holiday season is filled with good food, good friends, good converation and good memories.

Turkey Gumbo
1/2 cup flour
1/4 cup vegetable oil and 1/4 cup olive oil
3 stalks celery
1 red onion
1 green pepper
1 clove garlic
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
1 sack frozen sliced okra
2 cans chicken broth, plus water to cover
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
4 drops Louisiana hot sauce or to taste
1 can Italian diced tomatoes
1 lb. smoked sausage, sliced
1/4 cup or to taste, diced leftover ham
2 cups or more diced leftover turkey, baked or smoked
1 bay leaf
Heat oil in heavy kettle or stock pot; add flour slowly, stirring constantly with wooden spoon. Cook, stirring until a medium brown roux is formed, about 20 minutes (you will have to turn the heat down - don't burn it). Add vegetables (down to okra, but not the okra) and continue cooking in roux until vegetables are soft, about 10 minutes or more for a better tasting roux. Add remaining ingredients and simmer for 1 to 2 hours. Can add 1 teaspoon brown sugar during last 10 minutes of cooking, if desired. Serve over a bed of rice in a soup bowl. My goal is to rival The Gumbo Shop's gumbo in New Orleans - the above recipe does not use shrimp or seafood and I like it that way at Thanksgiving. Here is The Gumbo Shop's recipe:
http://www.gumboshop.com/recipes

Turkey Tetrazinni
3 cuos leftover turkey, diced
1 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 jar Alfredo sauce
1 can sliced mushrooms
1/2 cup slivered almonds
1/2 cup chicken broth
1/4 cup cooking sherry
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
7 ounces cooked vermicelli, cooked
Stir together chicken, 1/2 cup Parmesan, and next 7 ingredients; stir in pasta. Spoon into lightly greased 7x11 inch baking dish. Sprinkle with remaining Parmesan. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes or until heated through. Makes 6 servings.

Turkey-Stuffing Bake
1 can (12 oz.) evaporated milk
3 tablespoons butter
2 cups leftover stuffing or 1 box instant
1 can cream of mushroom soup
2 cups diced turkey
2 cups shredded Swiss cheese
2 stalks celery, chopped
1 cup cooked broccoli
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
In saucepan, heat 3/4 cup of milk and the butter to scalding. In a large bowl, pour milk over stuffing; toss to mix well. Pat 1/2 stuffing mixture into a buttered 11x7 baking dish. In medium bowl, mix soup,remaining milk, chicken, 1 cup of cheese, broccoli and thyme. Spoon evenly over stuffing - top with remaining stuffing. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Top with remaining cheese and bake an additional 10 minutes or until cheese melts. Serves 6.

And my favorite on Friday morning...
Scrambled Eggs with Stuffing and Smoked Turkey
1 to 2 eggs per person
Any leftover stuffing - 1/8 or more cups, depending on number of eggs
1/2 or more cups diced turkey - more for more eggs
Salt and pepper to taste
Grated smoked gouda or a nice Havarti or any grated cheese you have on hand
Prepare eggs as normal for scrambled eggs. Heat butter in skillet as you normally would for
scrambling eggs. After eggs have set up a bit, add stuffing, turkey, salt and pepper and continue scrambling, turning as needed until eggs are cooked. Top with cheese immediately and seve while hot. Happy Black Friday!

-----------Melony

The Care and Feeding of Teenagers

This blog has moved

This blog has moved

Violence-The New Arbitration

Close the Door, Change the Record, Clean the House

Yakkety Yak- Don't Talk Back

I'm the Mom

The Gift of an Ordinary Day

CIPA Regulations

Chatroulette-Perverts Welcome

What's for Dinner??

Imagine a World with No Books

Attitude Adjustment- Gates Style

Peyton Manning and Birth Order

Kudos to Teens

Could It Be So Simple?

No Wafflling Allowed

After Tupac and D Foster

It's Simple It's Complicated It's Parenting

It's Elemental Watson

We're on Facebook and Twitter

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, ........*)>%&*)%^#@

I'll Be Home for Christmas, For a Minute

Focus. Focus.

Who's the Boss?

Thrifty Recipes for Leftover Turkey

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, ........)>%&)%^#@