Homer Simpson is not Emily Post
We all want our children to have a successful and productive life. Shoot. Wouldn't we also like that for ourselves? Is there a short- cut that makes life better, more pleasant and eminently, more satisfying? It is as obvious as the nose on our face, but unfortunately, half the American population is publicly picking theirs.
Manners. Yep, Manners. Now, I am not talking about which spoon to use when served clear soup versus cream soup. I am talking about the forgotten practice of putting a napkin in one's lap. The next step in this process is actually using said napkin. The quandary of what month oysters are served in is not a pressing problem. Eating across from someone who has much to say about Global Warming, but does so with their mouth open, full of chili fries, is definitely disconcerting. Elbows off the table, please. Sometimes shoulders off the table is more applicable. Do not hold a fork upside down in a tight fist and stab at anything that's not tied down. Knives should be replaced to the plate after each cut, not held in the other hand as if expecting an ambush at the dinner table.
Toothpicks. Oh Lord. How have they become accepted main steam hygiene? What are we modeling for our kids? Pieces of partially digested food products are being sucked and picked out of diner's teeth during coffee and dessert. Wait one, maybe two more minutes at the max. Gums and spaces will not suffer until you can at least get to your car. Ask your dentist. It's okay.
Children should be taught to rise when older people enter the room. Anyone younger should do so. It is a sign of respect. We all need to know what a firm handshake is and how to make eye contact. A correct introduction is important to grasp. It's oldest first, "Father Time, may I introduce Naked New Year Baby in top hat." As a teacher, I really noticed when I was acknowledged with a smile and a nod by students (or faculty for that matter). Common courtesy. It is affirming and positive.
What in heaven's name happened to holding a door open for someone? How many times are you right on the heel of someone going into the Quickie Mart and BAM, the door slams in front of you as Mr. No Shirt heads to the beer cooler. Oh and my favorite, just as you hit the door, manly man brings up a big, juicy hocker and SPITS it on the pavement as he goes into the store. This is an incredibly nasty habit and it has also become mainstream. Walking up the steps at my high school was enough to ruin lunch. Boys and Girls. This is an equal opportunity bad manners.
Hats. Oh hats. Men and boys. Take them off inside. It is simple. Friends employed at the hospital laugh about certain proud papas. At the birth of their child, they smile for the camera with their baby in their arms and with their ball cap screwed tightly on. Sweaty and well used or still with the tag hanging off the brim, please, take them off inside. It is good manners.
Let's agree to not put anything on the back of our cars that someone else would be embarrassed to read or is illegal. Cartoon characters relieving themselves on anything said driver takes offense to would be one example. Physical maiming threatened as retaliation for tail-gating is another popular Oklahoma bumper-sticker. Lastly, the humor of your kid beating up my honor student may just be sending the wrong signals of your expectations and priorities to your own personal child.
A personal bugaboo - bread and butter letters. Children need to start the practice as soon as they can scribble and continue until they can no longer hold a pen in crippled, arthritic hands. If Great Aunt Edna hobbles to the mall and picks out that stunning pair of rubber galoshes-thank her. After any job interview, drop a note and thank that little HR guy for his time. Mr. and Mrs. Super Parents host all 67 of your Chess Club for dinner and debate, thank them. Acknowledge kindness. Acknowledge effort. Write a Thank You note. Wedding gifts, graduation presents, baby showers, birthday parties, memorials to a loved one-gratitude and appreciation please. One other thing, those pre-printed thank you notes, a definite no-no. Write your own and make it sincere and personal. When my kids were small, birthday checks would be cashed as soon as the thank you note was written and mailed. Not a bribe, a given.
Socially acceptable behaviour is not brain surgery Manners are nothing more than kindness, consideration and common sense. Start standards of behaviour early and they will be second nature to your child. Civilized behavior is not bad. It is good. From a compliment on the back of a child's elementary report card to important and monumental life choices, being polite goes a long way to "seal the deal" for a successful life.
Manners. Yep, Manners. Now, I am not talking about which spoon to use when served clear soup versus cream soup. I am talking about the forgotten practice of putting a napkin in one's lap. The next step in this process is actually using said napkin. The quandary of what month oysters are served in is not a pressing problem. Eating across from someone who has much to say about Global Warming, but does so with their mouth open, full of chili fries, is definitely disconcerting. Elbows off the table, please. Sometimes shoulders off the table is more applicable. Do not hold a fork upside down in a tight fist and stab at anything that's not tied down. Knives should be replaced to the plate after each cut, not held in the other hand as if expecting an ambush at the dinner table.
Toothpicks. Oh Lord. How have they become accepted main steam hygiene? What are we modeling for our kids? Pieces of partially digested food products are being sucked and picked out of diner's teeth during coffee and dessert. Wait one, maybe two more minutes at the max. Gums and spaces will not suffer until you can at least get to your car. Ask your dentist. It's okay.
Children should be taught to rise when older people enter the room. Anyone younger should do so. It is a sign of respect. We all need to know what a firm handshake is and how to make eye contact. A correct introduction is important to grasp. It's oldest first, "Father Time, may I introduce Naked New Year Baby in top hat." As a teacher, I really noticed when I was acknowledged with a smile and a nod by students (or faculty for that matter). Common courtesy. It is affirming and positive.
What in heaven's name happened to holding a door open for someone? How many times are you right on the heel of someone going into the Quickie Mart and BAM, the door slams in front of you as Mr. No Shirt heads to the beer cooler. Oh and my favorite, just as you hit the door, manly man brings up a big, juicy hocker and SPITS it on the pavement as he goes into the store. This is an incredibly nasty habit and it has also become mainstream. Walking up the steps at my high school was enough to ruin lunch. Boys and Girls. This is an equal opportunity bad manners.
Hats. Oh hats. Men and boys. Take them off inside. It is simple. Friends employed at the hospital laugh about certain proud papas. At the birth of their child, they smile for the camera with their baby in their arms and with their ball cap screwed tightly on. Sweaty and well used or still with the tag hanging off the brim, please, take them off inside. It is good manners.
Let's agree to not put anything on the back of our cars that someone else would be embarrassed to read or is illegal. Cartoon characters relieving themselves on anything said driver takes offense to would be one example. Physical maiming threatened as retaliation for tail-gating is another popular Oklahoma bumper-sticker. Lastly, the humor of your kid beating up my honor student may just be sending the wrong signals of your expectations and priorities to your own personal child.
A personal bugaboo - bread and butter letters. Children need to start the practice as soon as they can scribble and continue until they can no longer hold a pen in crippled, arthritic hands. If Great Aunt Edna hobbles to the mall and picks out that stunning pair of rubber galoshes-thank her. After any job interview, drop a note and thank that little HR guy for his time. Mr. and Mrs. Super Parents host all 67 of your Chess Club for dinner and debate, thank them. Acknowledge kindness. Acknowledge effort. Write a Thank You note. Wedding gifts, graduation presents, baby showers, birthday parties, memorials to a loved one-gratitude and appreciation please. One other thing, those pre-printed thank you notes, a definite no-no. Write your own and make it sincere and personal. When my kids were small, birthday checks would be cashed as soon as the thank you note was written and mailed. Not a bribe, a given.
Socially acceptable behaviour is not brain surgery Manners are nothing more than kindness, consideration and common sense. Start standards of behaviour early and they will be second nature to your child. Civilized behavior is not bad. It is good. From a compliment on the back of a child's elementary report card to important and monumental life choices, being polite goes a long way to "seal the deal" for a successful life.
Labels: Emily Post, etiquette for teens, gentle living, Homer Simpson, manners, table manners
posted by Melony Carey and Chrissie Wagner at
2:48 PM
11 Comments:
Cell phones don't forget cell phones at the movies, when someone is trying to wait on you , or check you out, or service something for you, and the phone rings and the world stops while the where are you's and what cha doing's are discussed..........it is infuriating
also hang up and drive your car for God's sake.
how about mens public scratching and "adjusting" of certain body parts everywhere all the time.
Hello. don't you see me standing here, right in front of you?
I don't remember so many people just spitting wherever they want to. Remember that American kids who was in China a few years back and he did that there and they too a cane to him and beat him? Our society is just too informal.
informal yes but crass and coarse and inconsiderate and unhygienic and ill-mannered and rude.
point well taken...and unfortunately true.
How about how we look in the work place and socially. I can't help but think that slovenly dress contributes to slovenly work habits and slovenly attitudes. We are a nation of fat people. Could the acceptance of elastic waist sweat suits and oversize-tshirts outside of the gym have contributed to the ease of this affliction?
Thongs as accepted shoes with anything - if you wear them, at least clean your feet and cut your toenails.
My Grandma alwaus said that how we look on the outside often tells how we feel about ourself on the outside.......look around if she's right, we're in trouble.
Amen! I don't know how many times I have heard someone say "we are in trouble" just this week, evidence that we ARE in trouble. To paraphrase that line from Sleeples in Seattle, "If it feels like we are in trouble, then we are in trouble." I think your grandma was right.
I recently heard my mother comment about her writing a "bread and butter" letter. When I inquired what that was, she said that it was for thanking a person who had fed you. At 90, she has little opportunity to eat anyone else's cooking. I gathered from what she said that her usage of the phrase was for just saying "thank you." At 60, I don't believe I recall hearing the "bread and butter letter" phrase before.
Wally, Well, I am not 90 but it is what my Mother and Grandmother always called social correspondence. It is not only thank you notes, but dropping a note to someone for a job well done, congratulating an accomplishment, noting extra effort, a personal note of sympathy, accepting an invitation, ect. It is civilized and gracious and appreciated. Glad to hear from you. C
I rememebered this column today as I went to lunch with my husband at a local bar b que place here in town. As I stepped onto the sidewalk, a gentleman coming the other direction cleared his throat and spit right at the grass beside the walk where we both were. I watched tables of adults lick their fingers, chew with their mouths open and never unfold their napkins. Last but not least, your favorite, men and women had toothpicks in their mouth (and they knew how to use them) as they got up from the table, conversed with their companions, paid and left the establlishment. to heck with good manners, how about the lack of safe hygiene???
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